


The Face in the Mask

by UnafraidofToil



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Blood, Choices, Doctor - Freeform, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, FN-2187 - Freeform, Fighting, Hatred, Hearing Voices, Internal Conflict, Internal dialouge, Jakku, Jealous Kylo Ren, Jedi, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Lust, Master/Apprentice, Medical, Oral Sex, Past Child Abuse, Poe - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Kylo Ren, Relationship(s), Restraints, Sexual Tension, Sith, Snoke - Freeform, Starkiller Base, Temptation, Tension, The Code of the Sith, The First Order, The Force, Training, Virgin Kylo Ren, battles, cross-over, force sensitive, injuries, inspired by The Phantom of the Opera, tied up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-25 13:19:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9822389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnafraidofToil/pseuds/UnafraidofToil
Summary: Who was the shape in the shadows?/Who's is the face in the mask?The purpose of a mask is to conceal your true identity. To hide your face...so the world you knew before will never find you. When Mila Jundik...Chief Medical Officer of Starkiller Base, first saw the mask of Kylo Ren, she knew she had left her world behind. Forever.This work was heavily inspired by The Phantom of the Opera. Originally posted to my tumblr as a reader/Kylo pairing story, I have decided to revamp and expand it before completing its already planned sequel.





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue:

_ With each beat of her heart, she felt the blood pulse hard against the inside of her head. What had happened? How had it gone this far? The pain pulsed behind her eyes with each beat of her heart.  A telling sign she was still alive. But how alive or how dead... she could not say. With a small groan escaping her lips, she let her head flop to the left as she tried to force her brain to remember....to remember Kylo Ren.  _

 

**Chapter I:**

The news had come as a surprise to Mila when her rank and station was assigned to her. 

  “Only me? Why? A base of that size...all those people.... surely, at least a dozen medical staff would be more sufficient.” she said to Elmita, the commanding medical trainer. Elmita grimaced at her from across her desk, her fingertips pressed lightly together. 

  “After the troops have been engaged in a battle there are never many who survive enough to need medical attention….or many who are granted it. You alone will be more than adequate to attend to those who are more...indispensable. There to provide comfort from troubles and illnesses to the higher ranking officials” Elmita sat back in her chair, a small smile on her lips. Mila swallowed hard, the weight of the sentence sinking in.

“I won’t be attending to soldiers?”

“Oh no, Mila. Your position is much more honorable than that of a meager field doctor.” Elmita waved her hand, dismissing the very thought. “When I received the com about this position being  open there were several doctors who were presented. I personally lobbied for you.” Elmita’s smile broadened. “You have proved yourself more than capable of handling situations most senior medics would blanch at.” 

She leaned forward and pressed a small touch pad on her desk and a comfile flashed up. Mila’s files flashed one by one, Elmita swiping them past and scanning them with her eyes. “Your qualifications absolutely speaks for themselves and your performance…” she shook her head slightly, that smile never wavering, “Outstanding. Top in every one of your classes at the academy. Graduating...with honors. Accepted to work for every medcenter you applied to.  I informed them that you have had extensive training as a field doctor, and of course not just studying but practical experience as just that. You have been in the heart of battles and not only kept your mind on your duties but went above and beyond that of what was tasked to you. When that field hospital was attacked...it was you who called for the evacuation just before the worst of the strikes hit. I’ve seen you restrain a man twice your size when he was deep in the throes of combat fatigue and administer a medjector of sedative!  Fearless. Absolutely fearless.  And of course coming from one of the most highly respected families in the Galactic Empire worked immensely in your favor.”

Mila winced.

“The only child of Arviet Jundik...highly decorated Arbiter-General…”

“And your mother…”

“Dead” Mila whispered. 

Emilta looked at her, something resembling sadness flickering for a moment in her eyes. “Remarkable woman though, your mother. Evarmila Dulpo as I knew her in school. A healer, as you started out. She could have reached a high position, head of her own Medcenter if she had wanted it. But she chose your father instead and of course….to have you.  She would have been so proud of you.”

“We have no way to prove that.” Mila said simply. “I never knew her. She lived long enough to name me after herself before she died. What I am more interested in is why...if my training as a field doctor was so well received, why am I seeming to be given duties a simple medical droid could handle? Surly, my skills would be of far better use to tend to those wounded in-” 

“Mila.” Elmita closed her eyes and held up one long slender hand. “It is not your place to decide who you are treating.” Mila opened her mouth to protest but Elmilta just raised her eyebrows and continued. 

“As accomplished as you are...you have thus far had two disciplinary warnings for insubordination.”

Mila drew in a slow steadying breath and let her eyes travel to a point on the ceiling of the room. She pressed her lips together, tucking them between her teeth, biting down slightly, as if she could hold in her words. 

“Although your loyalty has never been questioned, believe me when I say,  that Starkiller base and its High Command will not have as much tolerance. To be-”  

“My loyalty to The Order is beyond reproach!” Mila interjected. 

Elmita raised her eyebrows, “Your pride in always needing to have the last word is exactly what I am referring to, Mila. You would do well to keep it in check. You will likely not be granted as much leniency as we have afforded you here. I have no doubt though….you will prove yourself an asset to Starkiller...and  The First Order.”

Mila drew a long breath, “I will do what is commanded of me. For the glory of The First Order.”  

Elmita smiled. “For the glory of The First Order.” She intoned. And now is your chance to prove yourself.”

  Across the surface of her desk, she slid a small blue pin that signified Mila’s rank as Chief Medical Officer and folded her hands, “The transport will leave here soon to take you to Starkiller Base. I would suggest you gather your possessions….Doctor Jundik.”  Mila clasped the pin in her palm, and nodded.  

 

___________________________________________________________________

 

She was standing in the Medical bunker, overseeing the delivery of supplies being carried in by two Stormtroopers. Medical was small and like the rest of the base, it was new. Mila had arrived with the last wave of crew members, each hard at work doing the final preparations for the arrival of the highest ranking officers. 

  “Oh! No, no, no” she  paced suddenly forward  into the storeroom and placed a hand on the arm of a Stormtrooper who was in the process of stacking boxes and dropping them down a little too hard  “I’m sorry…” she quickly retracted your hand when the white helmet turned to look at her. 

  Gods. She hated never seeing anyone's faces. She hated never being sure when someone was looking at her. 

“Those are medjectors,” she told him, “they could shatter.” He nodded and resumed his work, but more delicately. 

   Once the last metal box was in place, the Stormtrooper turned to Mila, “Do you need anything else, doctor?”

  “No.” Mila said, “Thank you.” she added. 

  He nodded, “I was asked to tell you the final transport ship arrives tonight. All chief officers are to be prepared to receive General Hux in their departments for a status report as he oversees the finished base for the first time.” He left without waiting for her response. She exhaled slowly and began to unpack supplies. 

 

__________________________________________________________________________

 

Mila stood at attention, hands folded behind her back. She was happy to do so, for it hid their small tremble. Even with all of her rigorous training, she was still  a mess when it came to reviews, and reports. She could apply a tourniquet in thirty seconds with the hell of battle raging a few feet from her but being face to face highest ranking officers when they were not bleeding caused her fear to bubble just beneath the surface. 

She hated how it made her feel, squirming beneath their gaze like a butterfly on a pin. She glanced down at herself, the blue pin labeling her Chief Medical Officer shone against the white uniform like a sapphire. A doctor, she reminded herself, no matter the title, she was….a doctor.    

  The hiss of the bunker door announced the arrival of  General Hux, lead by a man she recognized from her own tour of the base.  

 “And here we have the medical unit…” the first man spoke as if in the middle of a statement. “Of course you know of Doctor Mila Jundik. The Chief Medical Officer you have assigned.” the man waved nonchalantly at Mila. 

Mila felt her eyebrows raise , clearly she was just an item on the tour. 

“Ah. Yes.” General Hux stepped forward. His blue eyes stood out from his pallid complexion, his red hair combed and parted stylishly. There was a slight flare to his nostrils and a seemingly permanent curl to his lips.

He regarded her for a moment, his eyes on her face, looking at her as if expectantly. Mila wondered vaguely for a moment if she was meant to salute but before she could make a move, he spoke. 

“So you are the great Doctor Mila.” 

Mila felt her lips part in surprise, “I suppose I am...sir.”

She met General Hux’s eyes for a moment before flickering them back to the open door behind them. Then she saw him. 

  A tall figure stood in the doorway, robed in all black, gloved...and masked. A tightness buzzed in her chest, quaking her to her core. Hux’s words about her qualifications and the Medical Bunker faded to a buzzing as she continued to stare at the shape in the shadow of the doorway. She realized then, he was looking right back at her. She could feel his gaze cutting through his mask and the color began to rise in her cheeks. She tucked her lips together, her heart pounding in her ears, but found she could not look away. Kylo Ren….it had to be. She had heard about him in her briefings on her first night. 

    His very presence was omniscient, the very air seeming to become electric and humming. The dark mask tilted ever so slightly, as if deepening the gaze and then she knew for sure; it was not just just eyes pointed at her but his full attention. She gripped her hands together tighter as she took in more of his form through his thick black clothing. Wide shoulders, muscled arms, long strong legs. Her eyes lingered at each feature. All at once a gentle pressure bloomed at the base of her skull and spread forward, a warm tugging towards him.  She drew in a breath. The black mask tilted slightly to the side other side. Was he in her mind? What did he expect to find there? The pull was intoxicating. She felt herself begin to let go, feeling herself beginning to drift as slowly as sand through an hourglass.          

  “Doctor?”

Her eyes snapped back to the men in the room. 

“Sir?” Mila spoke, her voice weak.  

“I had asked if the supply of equipment had reached you undamaged.” 

 Mila swallowed hard, taking a moment to steady her nerves. “Yes, sir. I have taken a full inventory and organized the lot of it.” she replied, her voice coming out with a small crack at the beginning, hoping they did not notice. Mila cleared her throat and continued, “Thank you for providing me with what I will need. For the glory of the First Order.” 

  General Hux nodded, an approving smile spreading across his lips. “You come highly recommended. A field doctor….more than a hundred saved on the battlefield. I dare say you’ve seen your share of violence.”

“Much, sir. It is my duty to provide medical care to those who need it regardless of my surroundings or circumstances.”

He nods again, “Good. It was your rationality in working through that very violence that lead me to assign you to  this base. That particular skill will serve you well here.”

  “I was told I would only be attending to those with rank and I would not be on the field attending to Stormtroopers.” Her hands loosened their grip on one another. Perhaps the nature of her position was changing. She was after all, a doctor. The thought of men dying as she sat passing out fever reducing tablets to those who had never seen a day of battle gritted her nerves.

  “You won’t be.” The deep voice made her jump out of her skin, the deep bass of it seemed to reverberate in your stomach.  The man in the doorway spoke for the first time. “The men know their duty and are willing to make the necessary sacrifices to ensure our victory.”  The position of his head had not changed, it was titled still, and pointed at Mila although the warm pull in her skull had evaporated. But the buzz in her chest had not.

“My men.” Hux said, all traces of formality in his voice vanishing. He turned to the man, “And as we’ve discussed before Ren, it is not your place to give orders to my staff. Their duties are overseen by me. ” 

The dark mask turned sharply towards Hux.

“Of course.” he drawled. He turned back to Mila, “And I’m sure that she is ready to accept those orders.”      

  “Yes….sir.” It was all she could muster to say. He looked at her for a moment longer before finally breaking the spell of his gaze. He turned on his heel and left Medical. She stared after him until he was out of sight.  

  “Leave us” Hux spoke to the man who had entered with him. 

“Yes, General” without another glance at Mila, he left, the doors closing behind him.

  “Doctor…” General Hux’s voice had taken on a more commanding tone. “There is one particular duty that you haven’t been made aware of. Kylo Ren...” he gestured to the now closed doorway. “Is under a strict training regime under Supreme Leader Snoke” 

  Mila nodded. This too had been the briefings. Kylo Ren...a force user. Mila didn’t pretend to understand it but she did not deny her knowledge of it. She  had always thought the idea of a Force surrounding everything to be oddly comforting. Everything that happened was guided, protected almost. 

  “This training,” Hux continued, “Leaves him weakened at times. Often at night headaches so terrible they render him...unattached from himself.  He has fits of violence.”

 Mila stomach flipped as she remembered in her early days of training, she had encountered a man who had seen more deaths than any man should. She was standing in a supply closet, counting bandage rolls when a scream so terrified ripped through the silence.  It made her start, upsetting the box of bandages. The following noise was a terrible thrashing as ward nurses rushed the room. Mila stood glued to the spot. Each horrible yell so guttural, it made her blood run cold. That sound would never leave her. It followed her through the rest of her training. The same screams, different men. 

  “I’ve seen that sort of thing before. In field hospitals there would be men who would have trauma of the mind...combat fatigue, as it’s called.  They would erupt in violent  episodes, lashing out. Sometimes it would take every ounce of my strength just hold them down long enough to give them something... ” 

  “Which is why I was so interested in your particular skill set for a case like Kylo Ren.” Hux’s hand reached out and his fingers brushed over the bottles of medicines, they tinkled softly as they moved against one another. 

  She understood. “You want me to be there and...restrain him..?” 

  “Possibly.” Hux smiled slightly, “He is a bit more destructive than we would like when an attack hits him. With your training…” the nature of his voice shifted again, this time there was a hint of amusement around the edges,  “That should not be an issue for you. However, Kylo Ren is strong.  But his violent outbursts are disturbing to the rest of the crew. They begin to lose faith in his stability.”

  Mila pictured Kylo again. His form had almost filled the height of her doorway. His shoulders so wide….

  “I understand.” she said, pushing the thought from her head as quickly as slamming down the lid of a box. “I will do what is commanded of me... for the glory of The First Order.” 

  This seemed to satisfy Hux. “Good.” He nodded at her. “Doctor.”  He turned to leave. 

“General..” Mila stepped forward, “How will I know when I am needed?...For Kylo Ren I mean...”

  Hux smiled, “Believe me, doctor, you will know.” And with that, he was gone. 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

**Chapter II**

  
_Kylo Ren is strong..._   


  General Hux's words and the imagine of the man in the shadows would flit across Mila’s mind like a rolling cloud. The memory of his gaze would send a small jolt through her chest. She could not for the life of her wrapher mind around what Hux had meant when he said she would know when she was needed. But, as she soon learned, he was a man who liked to speak in enigmas. He was also a hypochondriac, but her best patient. Not many people had come to Medical since Mila’s arrival. Most seeking stomach tonics or something for a head ache. The stark difference from being a field doctor to where she now found herself now had a slightly maddening effect on her.  

 Medical was small. A five bed facility, it was no bigger than fifteen paces across. Mila knew this perfectly because she often found herself the crossing it multiple times in an hour. Pacing it’s shining floor so often she wondered if she would wear a trail. Her bunker was located through a small door near the back of the larger room. The quarters were small, but a size she were accustomed to from days active out on the field. There was the difference of her own private bathroom. That was a luxury. It had been ages since she had showered alone. She recalled with a wrinkled nose the shared privies of various encampments, and the group bathrooms in the dormitories of the academy.  
  On her fifth night she awoke and found herself gazing at the ceiling. Sighing, she knew she was awake for the day. Her sleeping patterns had not yet adapted to the new hours of Starkiller Base.  The small chrono on her shelf informed her it was quarter to five in the morning. She opened Medical every morning at eight am. Though she  had made known she had emergency hours, none had come in the night.   
   “This base hasn't been functioning very long." She thought to herself. "I'm sure I will soon get a steady flow of patients soon."   
  Mila threw back her covers, every ounce of sleepiness evaporated  from her mind. Wrapping her blue robe around her form, she slid her feet into shoes and exited her room.   
In the dim light of Medical, Mila took in the small size. Counters and cupboards lined two of the walls and the beds lined the third.  Each bed was empty.  And it was quiet. The silence seemed to press against her, almost stifling. Cabin fever, she assessed. Quickly,  she crossed the floor to the door.  Perhaps a walk would clear her head. She pressed the button and the bunker doors slid open. She stepped soundlessly into the hall.   
  Starkiller Base in the dead of night was deathly silent. The normal hum of voices was gone. There was only the faint deep rumble of machinery from somewhere far away. She paced softly down the way, passing various doors leading to the different parts of the base. She passed by the mess hall and took a left.

  This hallway had large windows lining the walls. From here Mila could see the roofs of lower levels reaching out like a farmer's field, the different sections coming together forming a quilt of grey and black. The size of the outstretch was dizzying. There was too much grey. Glancing up, she could see the moon. Full and shining it filled the air with blue light. She longed to see more, she wished to see earth, ground, nature.

  For too long Mila had felt trapped indoors. Her feet ached for the feeling of ground beneath them, instead of the harsh metal of the base floors. She followed the line of windows as far as she could before coming to a glass lift. Cautiously, you pressed the  call button button. The doors silently slide open and she stepped in.    
  Her fingers hesitated over the buttons. She trailed them up and down softly, wondering where she should go. Her fingers hovered over the top button. She tried to recall if she’d needed any special clearance for it to accept her choice. She had not thought to grab her identification badge, which acted also as an access key. She shook her head softly. Realizing she didn’t really care.  This is the floor she wanted to go to. She knew it. She pressed the bottom and watch outside as the roofline shoot away from her, bringing the planet's surface into view.   
"Oh", she gasped softly.   
  The snow was glowing. So white against the moonlight it was almost blue. It glittered like a thousand diamonds. About thirty miles beyond the outermost wall Mila saw a range of mountains on the horizon. Jagged and harsh, they out stood against the snow in a beautiful but severe contradiction. She stared in wonderment. She barely noticed the lift doors slide open. Glancing sideways she stepped out before returning her gaze to the memorizing landscape.   
"So much like the stars." she whispered softly, touching her fingers gingerly to the cool glass of the window. Her eyes drift back and forth from the galaxy of shimmering snow, to the sky above where the stars shone brightly.   
  "I get lost in those stars." Came the deep voice from behind her.   
  Her heart froze and she knew knew before she turned around who she would find. Slowly, Mila turned, hardly daring to make a sound. Appearing like a phantom, Kylo Ren, robed and masked stands, the sight of his tall form making her heartbeat quicken.  Shed wondered how long he had been watching her. He drifts forward, stopping by her side, gazing out of the same window.   
  She felt it again. That same buzz in her chest as when she had first seen him standing in the doorway of Medical. A delicious tightness that seemed to be drawing her very core towards him. She looked up at him, parting her lips but find no words able to be formed.   
  He speaks, "Countless nights I have looked up. They seem to follow me. I look to them and they look back." Mila was unsure if he is speaking to her or to the stars themselves. She turns back to face the window, her arm mere inches from his. The void between them feels alive with the same electric buzz.   
  "Many nights..." she whispers softly. "I have looked to the stars while out on the field. When hope seems lost....when I have lost more than I have saved..."   
  She feels his head turn, looking down at her. She felt her cheeks grow warm and she fought to keep her face turned to the window. "The only comfort I could grant myself was how the stars would guide them home."   
"Why do you think of battle so often?" Kylo's voice comes out softly, the deep bass of it sending an electric flutter through her stomach.   
  "It was the only life I knew." Mila sighed and tilted her head to the side, remembering. "When I was fourteen and finished my primary education, we were given the opportunity to select our fields. The choice for me was easy. I wanted to help people, heal them. I was sent directly to a First Order Medial Academy.  I trained hard, received my title of field doctor...and saw my first battle not long after. I have known little else since." She glanced sideways. "Life here is foreign to me. I am expected to be nursing colds and stomach ailments when I am used to performing amputations. Sometimes I feel like I am going to tear the walls down. I have never been so long contained. There was once, while tending to a man, he began to tell me his comrade was still alive, but only he was picked up. I left him in the care of a nurse and walked out after him. The firing had stopped...I had assumed the battle was done. The opposing side had called a full retreat and were supposed to have been a mile off.  But...there was a rogue soldier from their side. He began firing on me. I held up my arms and screamed that I was medical but….I was hit in my left side.”   
  He looks away from her, from the depth of the mask she heard him inhale sharply.

  “Luckily, I was carried into the Medical tent by the very man I had set out to save. My recovery… well, doctors make terrible patients.I was going mad from the bed rest.  I foolishly tried to return to my duties before I was healed and almost bled to death. My supervisor, Elmita chastised me for even going out there in the first place, saying I could have saved myself the pain, that it was just one man. But, I couldn’t just leave him out there.”

  Kylo is silent. The sound of his breathing is fast.    
  "Sir..." she whispered. "I know the scout parties we have been sending out in search of the map leading to..." she hesitated. As Chief Medical Officer, she was unsure how much she are actually allowed to know. Most of her knowledge had come from your visits with various officers when they paid a visit to Medical. She always tried to keep conversation light. Mila had always been good at that, but often they would drop bits and pieces of the goings on, seemingly willing offering up bits of classified information.  "But I know they meet resistance and the battles leave Stormtroopers wounded. If I was permitted to travel with I..."   
"No." The deep reply comes.

Mila breathed in slowly. “I am not afraid.”

“No.” The answer comes fast and harsh.   
  Mila felt your lips curl. "I am a doctor!" she said sharply, spinning to face him, her face now inches from his shoulder. "Not a school nurse passing out sweets. I have taken shrapnel my my back and still I worked to save my charges. What sort of a leader just allows his men to die when they could so easily stand a chance of…." she stopped cold as she realized Kylo has turned to face her full on. You bring your hand to your mouth.  "Oh Gods." She thought,  Elmita’s warning flashing across her mind. How could she have spoken so boldly, so rudely to him? He was her superior. More than that, he was a sith. She could face such harsh charges as insubordination or worse....   
Her heart pounds so hard she could hear it in her ears, she was sure he could hear it too.

  He reaches out, and takes her hand, pulling it back from her lips. The sensation made Mila gasp, the thrill of contact filling her entire body. He held it gently, just below her chin. Through his glove she felt the warmth of his hand. His long fingers easily encasing her entire hand.   
"I'm...." she begin.

"Battle is behind you." He says. "I never want to see you on a battlefield."

  Mila opened her mouth slightly, a protest at the ready.  But then she felt it  again. The warm pull of Kylo slipping into her mind, a pull so gentle it felt almost euphoric.   
"What..." her voice comes out as the smallest whisper, her eyes searching for any trace of the man beneath the mask.  "What are you looking for?"   
  He pulls her hand close to his chest, and she felt his heartbeat. Rapid, and hard, matching you own. Leaning down he speaks again. “You should not wonder the base at night. Return to Medical”

  “What of your wonderings? Where are you returning to?” she whispered, her eyes locked onto his mask.

 A small puff of a laugh comes out.  “My quarters are not far from here.” He releases his grip on her hand. Mila  let it drop to her side, it still felt electric.

   Reaching behind her Kylo presses the button for the glass lift.

  “Good Night….Doctor”. And as silently as he had appeared, he vanished into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

 

**Chapter III**

 

“...And you’re positive you took the full round of tablets?”, Mila straightened up, removing the wooden depressor from General Hux’s mouth to hear his reply.

  “Every single one. But my throat still feels scratchy.”  he brings a hand to his neck and clears his throat pointedly. 

  Mila hummed in acknowledgement, stripping off her gloves.  “Well the antibiotics should have cleared any virus. What I recommend General, is some good old fashioned tea...and perhaps resting your voice. I want you to wait at least a week before making another visit. Sometimes these things  just need to clear themselves up.” 

 Hux nods at you, wisely. “Of course. As commander of course I want to never be less than my best. There’s a lot at stake you know….but it's not just my throat…”

 Mila groaned inwardly. 

“I’ve this pain in my left hip...it twinges sometimes...of course I expect it's from being on my feet all day. But as commander of couse I...” 

 “Say no more, General” she said turning.  _ Or the next treatment you get is a nice sedative...  _

Mila tapped the corner of a glass cabinet, the front glass slid to the side.  She pulled out a small jar of salve and turn back to him. “Rub this on the affected areas. It will cause the muscle to become warm, and that should relax the discomfort.”

  “Oh, Thank you,  Doctor.” Hux took the jar from her and rose off the examination table. 

  “It is my duty, sir.” she gave him a tight lipped smile and stood back to let him pass. As he walked towards the door,  he suddenly stopped “And what if-”

  “One week, General. Not a day sooner.”  

  “Of course, Doctor. You are the only one on base I let order me about” He smiles in what Mila assumed was supposed to be a charming way, “But don’t get any ideas now.”

  Mila felt her mouth twitch. “Strictly medical, General. I assure you.” 

He laughs a little too hard. “Good night, Doctor. I’m sorry I kept you open past hours. But as commander of this base-”

 Mila held up her hand and smiled “It’s no trouble.”   _ For the love of Gods, please go.  _

  Hux nodded at her with a final smile, and left. 

  Ugh. Mila found herself flopping over and resting on her back on one of her ever empty beds. Of all people, Hux had visited her the most. 

Everything bothered him, perhaps it was his clear pride in his position that kept him paranoid. Weakness was a feature he did not tolerate. That thought led her back to thoughts of Kylo Ren. It was Kylo’s perceived weakness in his stability as a leader that had lead her to be stationed on Starkiller. Although...she thought again of the tall man and felt the same shiver travel down her spine. There had been no incident...yet. She raised her hand above her head, gazing at it, flexing the fingers, remembering how Kylo had held it in his just last night. She pressed her fingers to her lips. 

  Kylo had entered her mind twice. Her hand moved to her temple. He had never answered her. What had he seen there? Mila raised her head and looked at the chrono on the wall, nearly midnight. General Hux had come in to Medical shortly before she had been preparing to close for the evening. He had apologized for the late hour but as commander of the base….   

_______________________________________________________________

  
  


  “This is foolish.” Mila scolded herself. She found herself once again, out of Medical after hours. This time at least, she was  not in her nightgown. Her hour long visit with General Hux had left her feeling more contained than ever. She had not bothered to change out of her medical uniform.   She had gotten a small taste of delicious freedom last night and although she had not been forbidden to leave Medical, she never felt that she was free to go where she wished. Area’s became classified at different times while the base was prepared for the day it’s full power was shown. Drills and test run were a fairly normal part of life, rendering some areas of the base forbidden But at night...the base was silent, the normally filled halls empty of crew members. 

 Mila walked the same path she’d taken the night before. As much as she tried to convince herself it was the view of the mountains she was after, the deepest voice in her heart told her: she wanted to see him again. Kylo. For the first time tonight she allowed herself to think his name, as if that very act will cause him to manifest before her.  

 He had been on her mind all day. Standing at the edge of her thoughts, as silently as he had stood watching her last night. Mila felt her hand tingle. The one he had held so tenderly.   Yes. She needed to see him again. 

 The voices she heard coming from down the hall made her stop in her tracks. General Hux was most definitely among them. The thought of two conversations with him in one evening was too much for Mila. She turned down the opposite hallway, glancing back at the glass elevator that would have taken her to where she had meet Kylo the night before.  She walked briskly, knowing the voices behind her would turn the corner soon. To her right she spotted a door that lead into a mechanical room. She opened the door, thankful it did not require a security key. Ducking inside, Mila gave a sigh of relief, grateful to have found a hiding spot. The trouble was…someone was already inside. The sudden realization of another person made her yelp with shock.  Her hand flew to your mouth.

 The Stormtropper, who had been resting on a low wall, sprang to his feet. “I’m sorry!” he cried out. His helmet which had been perched beside him clattered to the floor. “I was just, the chute...it closed on me.” Shaking he held up his hand, smeared with blood. “I shouldn’t.” he reached for his fallen helmet.

 “It’s OK.” she said, her hand falling from her mouth. “It’s OK, really. I’m the Doctor. I can’t get you into trouble..I mean I wouldn’t anyway.”

 He pauses, looking at Mila cautiously. 

  “ You should actually really let me look at that hand. It looks painful.” she stepped forward to him, trying to smile. 

“I’m fine, really!” he was nervous, she could tell. She looked him over for a moment. A Stormtrooper without his mask was no surprise to you anymore. Though private meals could have been delivered to her in Medical, she preferred to eat in the main Mess hall among crew and Stormtroopers. Eating elbow to elbow with people was as close to her old life on the field as she had gotten and Mila took comfort in it. 

 This man had skin the color of coffee beans, smooth and unblemished. His dark brown eyes, offset by a handsomely shaped nose. His mouth, currently twisted into a nervous smile had full lips of a soft pink shade. 

 “Please.” she said, “I can help. It won’t take long.” Stepping up to him she gently took his hand in hers and he tenses up. 

 “Did that hurt?” she asked bringing his hand closer to her face to inspect the wound. 

“No.” he said quickly. “I’ve just never….had someone take my hand before.” 

Mila let out a breathy laugh in spite of herself. “I’m just doing my job, I promise.” She reached down to your coat pocket, grateful now she had not taken the time to change. “It’s not bad really. Palms bleed easily, it's mostly just a scrape.” Mila  used a sterile wipe to clean away the blood. “A small wrap should do it.”

 The man watches as you silently pull a small bandage roll from your pocket. “Do you always carry that stuff with you?”

“Well, you never know when you’ll happen upon a wounded soldier.” she tucked the edge of the bandage in. 

“Oh...I’m not a soldier...I’m-” he flushes “I’m Sanitation”

 Mila paused. “Well even our Sanitation engineers bleed.” she let go of his hand and looked at him, with a smile, “You know this is actually the first time I’ve actually stopped someone from bleeding since I’ve arrived?” 

  “I don’t believe it.” He says, assessing her work on his hand. 

 “Believe it.” she sighed, “I am feeling frustratingly under used. I’m basically General Hux’s private nurse. I want to do more. I know I can do more.” Mila eyes widened for a moment. “Hey!...” 

The man looks at her cautiously once more. 

“We could do this again.”

His eyes shift from caution to confusion.    
“I mean...don’t slam your hand in the garbage shoot all time but...if you know anyone...who needs help. Medical help I mean. My clearance lets me down to the lowest levels. I could...moonlight down there.” 

For a moment the man considers it. “You’re serious? You’d do that?”

Mila nodded. “I’d do that. I want to. More than that...I need to. I can’t sit around anymore knowing you men are returning hurt and no one does anything about it. I will.”

“But if anyone ever found out. The Captain...she wouldn’t allow it.”

“No one has to tell her.” 

His brown eyes searched her face. “You are really serious about this,  aren't you?”  

“As the plague.” she bent down and retrieved his forgotten helmet and handed it to him. “No one is my below care.”

He takes his helmet and nods his head. “Okay then.”

“Brilliant!” she placed her hands over his, he looks down at them quizzically. “Give me three days. I’ll take an assessment of my stock and figure out what I will need more of.” 

 “Three days.” he repeated. “If you come through here,” He points to the back “There’s a service lift that will bring you down to our level. It lets out in a mechanical room just like this. All you need to do is enter an identification number.”

  Mila felt her face fall, “My security code doesn’t work on service lifts.”

“You can use mine.” He slides his helmet back on, “FN-2187”


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

 

**Chapter IV**

 

     Mila’s conversation with FN-2187 had left her feeling more useful than she had felt since her arrival on the base. She could barely suppressed a grin as she slipped out of the mechanical room. “Finally, someone with reason.” she thought. “Surely, they will see how moral will be bolstered if the men feel like they are taken care of.” Who knows. It could lead to more doctors being instated and perhaps less conversations with Hux as Mila become more busier....

 She silently padded back down the halls, retracing her steps to where she had been headed before you was forced off her route. For a moment she hesitated at the turn. Maybe seeking him out tonight was unwise with her new plan so fresh in her head. Mila closed her eyes and recalled how easily Kylo was able to slip into her mind at his leisure. She stood a moment, weighing the decision. He had told her not to wander at night...

  MIla tucked in her lips, resolving to just return to Medical and try and sleep. Reluctantly, she walked forward, the glass elevator now behind her, when suddenly there was a scream so terrible  it made her drop to the ground. 

  One hand bracing herself on the wall, the other clutching her chest,  Mila stooped low to the floor. The scream was ringing in her head as she struggled to catch the breath that had been snatched from her lungs. There was another yell, a growl starting in a lower octave and ending in a harsh yelp. Mila raised a hand to touch her temple. It didn’t seem possible...it couldn’t be possible... but the screaming was inside her mind. Mila straightened, mouth slightly agape as she struggled still to steady her breath. There is someone in terrible pain. Mila knew who it was before she even had a moment to think.  Kylo. Kylo is in terrible pain.  

  She started a rapid pace, before breaking into a run, finding herself in front of the glass elevator. She pressed the button and stepped inside. She stared hard at the insides of the door, her breathing now deep and fast.  Kylo's scream was echoing in her mind. It was him, she was sure of  it. But how his screams had reached her from wherever he was.....that was not important. She needed to get to him. Now. 

When the elevator doors opened Mila burst forward, and now, she heard it for real. Some distance down from where she had stood with Kylo at the window she could hear the angry screams once again. Louder. Real. Outside of her head. Following the cries, she walked steadily down a long hall. The screams seemed to be echoing off every surface, each reverberating in her head. She swallowed hard, her pace slowing. The  sight of the door she found herself in front of made her stop dead. Slowly, Mila reached out out a trembling hand and gently touched the surface. An angry deep slash, pocked the surface. She ran her fingers slowly along its length.  _ Kylo Ren is strong _ ....Hux’s words now seemed like a taunt. But how strong? For a moment, Mila thought of how easy it would be to turn and run, to slink back to Medical and her bed. But there is another wretched cry from inside, along with a terrible crash. Mila closed her eyes and summoned up every drop of her courage, and opened the door. 

  Her eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkness. She saw him bent over a table, his back to the door, broad shoulders rolling with each ragged breath, ebony hair curled around the nape of an ivory neck….her heart jumped into her throat with the realization. He does not have his mask on. Mila’s eyes locked onto traces of a cheek, proof of a living being beneath the mechanics of the harsh mask.  Growls and sobs alternate. He raised a fist into the air and swung it down, slamming against the surface of the table, causing it to shake. Mila stood back, frozen, hardly noticing when the door slid silently shut behind her. "Kylo..." she whispered softly. 

 He did not react to her voice, and continued to beat the table with both fists. “Why…” He growled. “Why must I feel it. My body feels like it is burning and still I dream of it. I can’t breath.” his voice reaches a fever pitch again. “I CAN’T BREATH!” he roared.

“Kylo.” Mila said again, more loudly, stepping cautiously forward. She extended her hand, reaching up for his shoulder. Softly, she touched him. 

 As if in fast motion, MIla felt herself being shoved backwards. Hard, invisible hands braced themselves against her chest and pushed her back until she hit the door. The impact was not hard, but it was enough to shock the breath out of her. 

 Kylo turned around. “DAMN YOU!!” He screamed. His long elegant mouth, spread open into a yell. Mila slid slowly to the floor, her eyes wide. His face. His face. The sight of it left her breathless. Angular and long, his sharp jawline flowed back into high cheekbones, covered slightly by black hair, tousled and curled. Freckles peppered the skin of his face. Her eyes traveled to each one.  Dark brows furled over darker eyes, which were now locked into hers. His face twisted for a moment, as if holding back an angry sob.

   “Curse you.” he snarled. He slowly lowered himself down to the floor coming to rest on his knees, his eyes wide, a mix of anger and fear shining behind them. “Is this what you wanted to see?” He slashed his hand up through the air, and the table behind him flew to the side, crashing into the wall. “Is it stranger than you dreamt it? Can you even stand to look?” The table folds itself in half as he balled his hand tightly into a fist. “Do you see what I am, doctor? How can you bear to even think of me? This….loathsome creature who is tormented by visions of lightness. And now...haunted by dreams of the doctor...the doctor lost in battle.” The final word rose in hysteria, his hands covered his face and knotted themselves into the crown of his hair.  “The fear….you feel….” he spoke slowly, in low measured tones. “Is is fear of me?” 

  Mila’s hands rested on either side of her, her legs curled under. She realized then, she could feel his mind pulling on hers. But this time it felt weak and frightened. 

 “I fear…” she whispered, “what you can do.” 

  His eyes peeked between his hands, flickering over to where the table lay destroyed. “Please.” he whispered. “Fear can turn to….”  his hands drop, catching himself as he falls forward. “Fear can.. Oh Gods….the fear in your eyes“  The heels of his hands pressed against his eyes, as if trying to bore out the image. “Please, do not fear me.” his voice came out desperate, pleading.  

 It is then, Mila found herself uncurling her legs and cautiously moving towards him. “I fear your power.” she whispered, stopping inches away from him “I fear a power that is beyond what I know….beyond what I understand.”  His face rose and his eyes met hers “But, I do not fear the man behind the power.”  

It is the first time, Mila realized, that he was looking upon her with his own eyes, instead of through the mask.  Kylo’s breathing was shallow. Slowly, his hand rose and rested upon her face. Mila felt the heat of her cheek leach into the cold fingers, warming them. 

 Speaking not a word, Kylo leaned forward, his nose brushing against hers. His lips were parted, his eyes closed. “Thank you.” he breathed, and softly with no warning... pressed his lips against hers.. 

 Mila’s body became electric. The same current that had coursed through her veins each time she had seen him surged stronger than ever, sending a shiver down her spine. She reached out her hands, palms flat against his chest and slide them up over his shoulders, one coming to rest on the back of his neck. His hand moved from her cheek, to the back of her head, pulling her more firmly against him. 

 And then, as suddenly as it had begun, the kiss ended. Kylo pulled himself away reluctantly, his forehead still touching hers.  “Come.” He said softly, “I will escort you back to Medical. But please….return to me tomorrow night.”

 Mila nodded silently. How could she refuse him?


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter V**

 

  For the hundredth time that hour Mila’s fingers ran over her bottom lip.  How could one man bury himself into her every thought? He flitted across her mind like a flame’s glow. Kylo’s face was burned now into her mind. Could she ever forget that sight? A face so long and angular, her eyes had danced over each line. Yet, in his eyes there had been a sadness deeper than she had ever seen. The same eyes had gleamed with the rush of power as he easily crushed a table with a clench of his fist, were the same eyes that had looked up at her pleading to not fear him. 

And she didn’t.  Did she? It was that thought that made her stomach drop. 

 “Return to me…” 

The request had been made so tenderly. But was it Mila’s fear that made her feel so compelled to obey? Or…

  She raised her hand to her mouth again, the feeling of Kylo’s kiss lingered there. Moments  replayed in her head like flashes. The rush of fear, the pounding of her heart, his pleading eyes, his cool lips pressing themselves against her, moving and delighting in the warmth they had found there.  

  “Please….return to me….” 

This day, she thought, could not end soon enough.  She yearned for the sun to disappear over the horizon. Just hours now…. 

   Turning away from the porthole sized window, Mila crossed to the small desk in the corner of her room. Among the paltry possessions she had taken with her, were her well used medical textbooks. They were like old friends. Settling herself down, Mila opened to a dog eared page and began to re-read. Her mind had started to feel a bit rusty from being so underused. She poured over reading about the different types of blasters, their level of plasma energy, and which was the best method for treatment. 

  She did not even hear the door to Medical open. 

  “Doctor?” came a voice. 

 Mila sprang to your feet, leaving her book behind and quickly exited her room. 

  “I’m here.” she said upon emerging. 

 A Stormtrooper stood awkwardly in the middle of Medical. 

“Its...me.” he raised his hand and waved it around a bit. “You know...trash compactor...:”

“Oh! FN-2187” Mila  smiled “Yes, of course.” she walked closer to him, “Is it still hurting? I can give you something for the pain, or change the dressing.” she took a step towards the various drawers and cupboards. 

 “No. I’m fine, it healed up quick like you said, just a scrape.”

She stopped and faced him again, “Is someone else hurt?”

  He nodded. 

“Badly?”

He hesitated “I’m not sure how bad you would consider ‘badly’.  He isn't bleeding...but he’s in a lot of pain. He keeps talking about his shoulder. ”

  She nodded, turning back to the cupboards. Her brain began to churn, whirring through diagnoses: broken, dislocated, torn muscle, rotator cuff….all the while piling things into a small satchel.  

  “FN...,” she begin, “There is no way for me to treat him unless I see him. Can you take me to him?”

 “Now?” 

Mila slung her satchel now filled with bottles of pain reliever, a medjector, needles, bandages...and you found yourself...smiling. There a man was in pain, the extent of his injury not known to her, and here she was...delighting in it. Turning to FN-2187, she answered, “Now.”

 

  After a small squabble, Mila acquiesced to let FN-2187 lead the way. Her arms tucked behind her, she tried to have the air of someone who has been summoned. It looked less conspicuous than the Chief Medical Officer walking side by side with a Stormtrooper. She followed him back to the same mechanical room she and him had first met. 

 “It’s back here.” he lead her to the service lift.  “I told him to be waiting in the mechanical room below.” 

  Mila shifted her satchel of medical supplies to her opposite shoulder and nodded. “Bring me to my patient.” she grinned.

 They rode the lift down in silence, neither of them quite knowing how to thank the other. The idea of having real patients again was giving Mila a new sense of purpose. 

The lift buzzed softly, signaling their arrival. The door lifted open and they both stepped out. Mila saw the man resting awkwardly against a wall. His right arm hanging at an odd angle, the shoulder stooping low. His head hung slightly. His blonde hair shaved close to his head, blue eyes glazed over with pain.  

Mila knew immediately.  Dislocated shoulder. She walked up to the man. “Your shoulder is dislocated. I will need to pop it back into place. You’re going to have to take the armor off of that side.”  The man looked beyond her  to FN-2187, who nodded at him.    
“We can trust her.” he said.  The man looked back at Mila and grimaced with a nod.  He raised his left arms and pulled off the piece that covered the forearm. When he started to remove the shoulder piece he breathed in sharply through gritted teeth. 

“Let me…” Mila moved forward and laid her hands on him. He looked at her for a moment, considering, before leaning back and allowing her to undo and remove the armour. 

“How long has it been like this?” Mila asked tenderly touching the shoulder, feeling the heat and swelling.

“Two days.” he answered. “We were sent out on a scouting mission. I was grappling with a villiger. He had my arm hooked and took off on a speeder. I was dragged for a while before I was able to get free.”  

Milla nodded,  “I need you in a seated position.” She helped him ease down. “Sit up tall.” she ordered.  She brought his elbow to his side, pressed against his ribcage, forearm extended out at a ninety degree angle. She cradled his elbow in her hand, the other on his wrist. “This… is going to hurt.” 

He glanced at her wearily, “Can’t hurt more than it already does. Besides, I thought doctors were supposed to tell you that you won’t feel a thing.” 

 Mila rotate the arm out, up, and in again swiftly. The man cried out in pain.

“Sorry. I’m a terrible liar.” Mila said.  Beside her, she reached for her satchel. Pushing it open, she pulled out the medjector, loaded it with a dose of pain relief serum. “You won’t feel a thing.” she said lightly, pressed the needle to his arm, and pulled the trigger. The gun let out a small hiss as the medicine released into the man's bloodstream. Mila smiled as she saw a little color come back to the man’s face.   

“Now.” she said standing, “Are there any others?” 

The man and FN-2187 exchanged dark glances. 

“No.” he said, not looking at her, “All the others who were injured were left behind on the battlefield to die.”  

Mila felt her jaw clench, “How many?”

“Of the 40 of us chosen for the mission….23 returned.” 

She shook her head. Unbearable. Unacceptable. Not if she had anything to say about it. 

“When is the next scouting party being sent out?”

They both shook their heads.

“We usually never know until a few hours before. Enough time for the platoon to be chosen, weapons prepared….”

“Goodbyes said?” Mila interrupted.

The man looked at her, “It’s just a mission. There are deaths. We all know that.”

“Not if I can help it.” she looked defiantly into his eyes. “Next time. I am coming with.”

“No way.” FN-2187 stepped forward, his brown eyes suddenly intense, “No. It’s too dangerous for you.”

“I am a combat doctor. I probably have seen more battles than you have, Sanitation.” 

FN-2187 dropped his mouth open slightly. 

“Sorry…” Mila closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her temple. “But I will not just let men die.” Why did she keep having to make that clear? “I will not sit back, or else I will feel every death and I will have their blood on my hands.”

FN-2187 closed his mouth and swallowed. “Clearly. There is no changing your mind.” 

Mila shook her head. “No chance.” 

“And I bet you think I’m just gonna help you sneak onto the next transport ship and hide you behind me. ”

She snapped her satchel closed. “Actually, I was going to hide in the wall panel, but that sounds way less cramped ”

She crossed over to the lift, and entered FN2187” to active it.    
From behind her, she heard the other man say “Damn doctor’s very persuasive. We’ll all be taking orders from her before long...”

Mila smiled amused as she stepped into the left. Then, as the doors close, she remembered she hadn’t thought to ask his ID Number.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter VI**

 

High on adrenaline, Mila began to make her way to Kylo’s bunker.

  She had a promise to keep, and still longed to see him again. She paused outside his door. Leaning forward she pressed her forehead and fingertips against the cool metal and exhaled softly. She tried to digest the exchange with the two Stormtroopers. She hoped they were true to their words about helping her to stowaway on the next scouting mission, if not….well she now had an code to access lower levels and was adept at climbing into cramped spaces. From inside Kylo’s bunker she heard no sound. He was obviously in a better place tonight. Still, she adjusted the strap of her satchel, thought of the medicines inside and entered.

He stood in a relaxed pose, his back to the door.   
“I didn’t know if you would ever come in.” he said, not turning. “Or if you just intended to hug my door all night.”  Mila’s eyes gazed at the length of dark hair again. She was glad to see he had chosen not to be masked again.    

She let the door close behind her, “How did you know I was out there?”

He turned to her, a shadow of a smile flickering across his lips, “Let’s call it intuition.”

“I don’t think that's what you call it.” Mila paused a moment, the memory of last night flooding back to her. Her desire to diagnose momentarily outweighing her desire for closeness. “If I can ask...Sir.”  The word caused a look of confusion to fall on his face. “Are you quite well tonight?” 

He smiled more fully this time, and walked towards her soundlessly. 

“I am quite well, doctor. And here in private there is no need for such formalities.” 

Mila felt her heart skip a beat, “Are you quite well tonight...Kylo?” 

He nodded again, satisfied. “I am. All I had last night was a moment of weakness.” 

Mila held her breath, and recalled their kiss.  Was that his moment of weakness?

“There are times where the burden I bear begins to slip and overpowers me.” he turned back to gaze out the window once more, “And you’re right. It is more than intuition. So much more.” 

Mila crossed the room to be at his side. “Does it hurt when you drawn upon the power?”

He looked down at her. “In a way. The dark side of the Force brings you to the precipice of your fears, but within those fears there is a freedom.”

“The force…” she repeated, “The dark side.” The words feel foreign in her mouth. 

“Have you ever wondered, Mila, why you can sense when death is near? Why you can look upon a wounded man and know immediately if he is at death's door? When you know if you will bring him back or if he is beyond your care? ”        

MIla felt her brow furrow. “It is what I have been trained to do. I entered the Imperial Academy to begin training as a doctor immediately following my primary education.” 

“No.” Kylo shook his head. “I mean beyond that. Back to the beginning. Back to where the passion for healing began.”

Mila closed her eyes, as she felt the rush of Kylo pushing into her mind. 

“Kylo…” she whispered, knowing now what he was looking for.

“A true healers hands. Always putting up a fight for other lives. From the beginning of your life fighting against the stigma of being a child whose very existence in this galaxy came at the price of her own mother’s life.”

Mila’s heart seemed to stop beating. 

“Kylo. Please.” She wasn’t sure if she was ready for him to know that piece of herself. But the pull on her mind remained. Pushing her, drawing out her fear.

“She gave up her life while giving you yours. Life and death are lovers.” he whispered, reaching out to rest his palm on her cheek, “You know it more than others. I can feel how you rally against death. I can feel….everything. ” 

Mila closed her eyes, and gasped. A memory stirred, flashing to the front of her mind. 

 

_ She was back in a medical bunker. Pacing anxiously.  The wait for the first wave of wounded men was torture. The sounds of battle were screaming outside. Then suddenly. She felt it.  Death. Doom. Fire and pain. It made her stomach clench. “We need to evacuate!” Mila screamed. Without waiting for a response from the others she grabbed what she can carry. “Now!” The four other people looked at her with wild eyes. Mila rushed them, shoving them towards the back . “Go out the back doors. Begin the evacuation.” she shoved them out,  “NOW!!!”  Mila closed the blaster doors behind them. She ran back to the front, her hands pounding pounding on the keypad to close the hatch and lock it down. Then suddenly the world was nothing but noise and light. Those bastards were actually firing upon a medical bunker. Her ears rang, her back stung. “Get them out! she screamed again….. _

 

Mila cried out, and jerked her face away from Kylo’s hands. He released his grip on her mind with such force that Mila fell forward, and collapsed into his chest, his arms wrapped themselves around her waist, holding her up. 

“It is a gift, doctor” He spoke into her ear, face pressed to her cheek. “More than mere academic training. That feeling, that knowledge of impending death...it is the Force flowing through your mind.” 

“The Force…” Mila repeated her voice edging on a sob “In me?”

“Think. Remember. You must know it to be the truth. ” he gave her head the smallest of shakes, there is a gleam in his eyes Mila recognized from the night before. That gleam from a rush of power. 

“The same Force that flows within you?”

“The same Force that flows through the entire galaxy.” 

That memory had felt too real. Mila felt the heat of the blasts, her skin felt has raw as it had that day. She shuddered as a tear slid down her cheek. Kylo caught it with his thumb. 

“You said last night you did not fear me. That you only feared the power of the Dark Side. Let go of the fear, Mila. Embrace the Force.” 

Her breathing was hard and fast, “I don’t know if I can.” 

But Kylo smiled, and she was powerless. “I will help you.”

Mila tucked her lips together. And nodded. 

Kylo’s hand slid behind her neck and pulled her head close to his. He pushed his lips against hers, his other hand found her hip, and pushed back on it. He pushed until Mila’s back hit the wall. Mila let out a gasp of shock. He pulled his face back long enough to watch her lips part and her eyes open before pushing forward once again. He pressed his body against hers, his tall form eclipsing hers. Mila felt his heart hammer wildly against her own chest, like it was going to beat itself out of his own body. Kylo kissed her desperately, until her lungs were screaming for air and she turned her face away, gasping. 

He looked down at her, that gleam of power in his eyes replaced now with a slightly different emotion. 

   “Very good. Lesson one….there is only passion.”

He left her there, her back against the wall, lips parted. 

“Ah.” she thought. “Not a weakness then.” She pressed her lips together, feeling the swell of blood that had been raised to the surface.    
“Through passion, I gain strength.” Kylo recited, slowly picking up one black glove and pulling it over his long fingers and repeated the motion with his other glove. “Through strength, I gain power. Through power….” his hands flexed a moment. “I gain victory.” He turned back to face Mila. “This is the Code of the Sith. If you wish to unlock your abilities it must first start with passion.”  He walked back towards her, with a sudden speed that made Mila flinch, and placed his hand over her heart, his thumb and middle fingers cupping her breast. “From that...you will draw your strength.” He grinned a little wickedly and looked down at his hand.  He delighted in the feeling of her hammering heart. He ran his fingers up her sternum, until his fingers caught her chin and lifted until her eyes met his again. The gleam in his eyes had returned, unmistakably lust. 

“I think passion is an excellent place to begin.” Mila whispered and Kylo leaned forward again. 

His lips nearly closed over hers again when suddenly there is a heavy knock at his bunker door. Kylo growled, and drew himself up to his full height. 

“Whatever it is, General. It had better be worth my time.” he snarled. 

Mila felt her breath catch as Kylo turned away from her to pace towards his door. She stepped away from the wall, hand smoothing down her hair, making her way back to where her satchel lay forgotten. She hoped the color has gone down in her face. 

The bunker door opened and General Hux entered. He looked taken aback for a moment to see Mila standing in the room, but the smile he seemed to reserve for her decorated his face.

“Ahh, Doctor Mila, finally seeing what I was referring to I suppose? He does seem calm now.  I hope his actions were not more than you could handle. ”

Mila feel her jaw drop ever so slightly, before snapping it closed again and putting her best “medical professional” smile on. “I’m not sure if I witnessed him at full strength.” 

Kylo coughed, hiding his wicked grin. To Hux he said  “Did you come to my quarters just talk to the Doctor about me….in front of me?”

Hux turns to him, a look of annoyance lining his face.

“I’ve come merely to tell you Supreme Leader Snoke now believes what we seek is on a planet called Jakku. We will prepare a scouting party to leave this night.” 

“I see.” responded Kylo, “Prepare my ship.” 

“Yes.” Hux says, he gave Mila one final nod and crossed over to the door. He paused for a moment, his fingers hovering over the touchpad. Mila saw his head give the smallest of shakes before he opened the door and finally left.  

A pregnant silence hung in the air for moment. Mila stared at the closed doors. “Jakku…” she repeated. Kylo crossed over to where his mask sat, the empty eye vents staring straight ahead. 

“Kylo.” she spoke cautiously. “You’ve said that this power...The Force...comes from drawing upon my passion.”

He looked back at her, his hand resting on the top of his mask. 

“My passion ignites most when I am in the heart of battle. Doing what I was trained to do, what I’ve always known I was meant to do.”

“I know what you are going to ask me, Mila. And my answer remains the same.” Sliding his mask down over his face, he walked to her.    
“Don’t be fooled.” his voice now coming out with a synthetic crackle, “You may be able to sense the deaths of others but you are not nearly strong enough to sense your own is looming. You will stay here and when I return….we can begin your training.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter VII**

Mila watched as the door shut behind Kylo. Spinning around she clenched her fists at her side. Passion...strength...power...Kylo’s words on the Code of the Sith churned themselves over in her brain. Could he be speaking the truth to her? Did such a power flow through her veins? She touched her lips marked now with his passion.  But...her passion. Closing her eyes, she imagined the man with the dislocated shoulder. She remembered seeing the confliction in his eyes as he spoke of his fallen comrades, his grief shining from beneath a pretence of duty.  

“Damn it all.” Mila whispered. She reached down and snatched up her satchel. She had a duty to uphold, and FN-2187 had a promise to keep…   
  


\------

Moving swiftly, Mila tried to go with the flow of the crew members who now filled the halls. She made her way back to the mechanical room. She ducked out of the crowd and sealed the door behind her. There is a tiny  voice in your head sounding eerily like Elmita “It’s not too late to turn back….” Mila ran her fingers over the blue pin on her chest, and the voice was silenced. 

The service lift seemed to be moving more slowly than it had earlier, Mila paced slightly as she took an assessment of what she had in her satchel. Only one of the vials of Pain Serum was empty, the rest shone up at her, seeming as eager to do their job as she was. Tourniquets, slings, and a few splints...yes. It would be enough to make a difference. A single tone announced her arrival to the lowest level. The hangers. 

She stepped out of the elevator and found herself in a smaller mechanical room than the one she had set the shoulder in. She made her way across the room to the door. Sliding over, she pressed her back to the wall and open the door, she paused for a moment and listened before peering out.

There is a flurry of voices and movement. Mila heard orders being shouted and the rhythmic sound of marching.  She took a deep breath and slipped into the hall. 

Keeping her knees bent slightly Mila bolted down the hall into the main hanger, quickly ducking behind a weapons rack. Ahead of her, she saw a platoon of at least thirty Stormtroopers in formation paying strict attention to orders being shouted by a tall Stormtrooper. The gleaming armor setting her apart as Captain. She addressed her men in a booming voice. She spoke of a village that the ships will land on the outskirts of. MIlas’s eyes searched the hanger and she gazed upon two large transports, ramps lowered, waiting to be loaded with Stormtroopers. 

The ships were pointed towards the hangar doors, ready for takeoff at any moment, their engines filling the hanger with a deafening roar. Mila steadied her breathing, and closed her eyes for a moment, focused on getting inside one, centering her mind. Then, like lightning, she pushed up off the ground and ran. You kept along the wall until she found herself under the ship. She dove behind the landing gear. She took a moment to reassess her position. She had thus far been unseen for there had been no calls alerting anyone to her presence.  Gazing upwards,  she spied the small square outline of an access panel to the cargo hold. She pressed up on it, felt its latches click, and slowly lowered the panel. Once open, she lifted herself inside and closed the hatch behind her. 

Mila found herself directly under the ship's main hold, the grate of the floor above her. She had barely enough room to crawl. She found the opening in the grate that would lead her up into the main hold above. Working swiftly, Mila crawled out of the floor, and locked the door back into place. She looked up she saw another panel that would bring her into a hold in the ceiling.  It would be safer than being in the floor. She quickly shimmied herself up a side brace, and slid herself inside. The moment the panel was back in place Mila heard the thuds of marching. Stormtroppers filled the ship, and all was plunged into darkness.  

\---

 

Mila nearly lost her grip as the ship entered Jakku’s atmosphere. The lights flickered menacingly, and she felt the impact of the ship meeting the ground. 

The ramp lowered and Mila’s ears were filled immediately with the familiar song of battle, the edges of her vision darkening. She felt several deaths immediately, each feeling as small freezing bite somewhere inside her brain. Like a flame being snuffed out by an icy breath.  

It was really too late to turn back now. 

“God’s be on their side.” Mila whispered, invoking the old prayer, “May their battles be hard so their victories sweeter.”  

She counted 

_ Ten.  _

_ Nine. _

Cautiously, she peered out from her hiding place. 

_ Eight  _

_ Seven. _

She dropped from the ceiling, landing catlike on the floor below.

_ Six.  _

_ Five. _

The battle sounds were dimming. Mila crawled to the open hatch, her face illuminated by plasma blasts and flame.

_ Four.  _

Stormtroopers and villagers give their final cries, and she felt the frozen stings of their deaths on her mind.

_ Three. _

_ Two. _

_ One. _

There was a ghastly silence. MIla made her way slowly onto the planet’s surface, fires burned ahead of her. Men lay dead at her feet. She dropped suddenly, close to the ground, half crawling to the side of a man barely moving. 

“Doc...Doctor?” 

Mila gazed down at him. “I’m here…” She knew who it was, his voice was too familiar, even though it was now warped by his helmet.  It was the man whose shoulder she’d mended just hours ago.  

“I should have said to take it easy for a while…” Mila started, trying to feel her voice light. She felt it then, like a black cloud rolling in, his approaching death seemed to darken your vision. Mila leaned forward and laid her hands on him. Please. No.  “Stay with me!” she cried. 

“They called him up, you know.” The man’s voice is a barely audible whisper. “FN...2..” and then he was gone. 

Mila squeezed her eyes shut and fell back. FN-2187. Mila raised her hands to her eyes and prayed the next death she felt was not his. 

From behind, she heard a groan of pain. There is a man is on his back, a blaster wound torn into his side. Mila raced over to him, and began work immediately. She began to remove his chest plate and tear away the remaining black fabric. His head jerks in shock and his hands wrap themselves around Mila’s wrists. 

No!” Mila cried out, wrenching them out from his grasp. “I’m a doctor!” The man made to grab at her again, but Mila was faster. She seized his hand. “I am a doctor. Of Starkiller base. You are my patient. Now. Lay back!” The man went limp and Mila resumed her work.   She eyed the blackened edges of the wound and determined it was a low plasma level blaster. She flipped open her satchel and loaded the medjector with the appropriate strength of repair serum. She pressed the needle to one side of the wound and pulled the trigger. The man hisses in pain as the edges of the wound knitted themselves together.  Mila waited a moment with baited breath. If she had miscalculated and given him too weak of a strength,  the repaired wound would rip itself open, leaving a more serious injury than before. Seeing it hold, she rubbed a measure of a burn treating salve over the tattered skin and applied a quick dressing. 

“I will need you to keep the wound clean. The dressing is to keep it so until you get back to Starkiller tonight. Wash it and….”

The air around them picked up suddenly, filling it with the noise of an incoming ship. 

“More men?” Mila shouted above the noise, "But the Village is taken!"

The wounded man struggled to his feet, replacing his chest plate.  

“That is Kylo Ren’s ship.” he said, “Doctor, I think you should go back to….how did you here anyway?” 

Mila shot him a guilty look. “I stowed away on your transport.”

He looked at her with disbelief, or so she assumed. Based on all her previous encounters, Mila just assumed Stromtroopers were looking at her with disbelief. 

“And no...I’m not going back yet. There might still be survivors out here. 

He looked to the village, and then back at her. “I need to join formation.” he said. “I will signal you if I see anyone.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

“Keep low” he warned.

Mila obeyed. She slunk herself low to the ground at once and watched him march deftly away to where the taken villagers waited.

Mila felt it then, their deaths in such a large number, it nearly made her lose her balance. You closed your eyes, war was hell and you could not watch.

She raised yourself up to her full height and took one final look at the fallen men around her. 

One. She had saved one. One entire person.

But knowing now the fate of the village Mila knew she could do no more good. 

She turned and started to walk back to the ship. Then there is a sharp, burning pain in the back of her head. Mila gasped and her hand flew up. She expected to find a blaster wound but found nothing. The sharp pain came again, causing her to cry out. She turned slowly. From the bottom of his ship, Kylo Ren stands as she had first seen him. Robed, masked and looking right at her…

His legs spread slightly, his hands were by his side, balled into tight fists. 

Mila felt as if her head was being squeezed with an iron vice. She could feel him inside and she could feel his anger. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Passions build and finally breaks the resolve of a Sith.

**Chapter VIII**

Mila stooped low, one hand gripping the arm of the ship’s ramp as she leaned beam forward. Her breathing was deep and steady. She concentrated on the feeling of air expanding her lungs, as her eyes were locked on to the events going a small distance away. She had been trained to face war, to thrive in its hellish environment. But like a fool...like a damn fool there were tears pricking her eyes. She pressed the heel of her hand hard against the corner of her eye as she felt the trickle of tears running down her cheeks. FN-2187 had been called into the ranks. She recalled the genuine concern in his eyes as he looked her over when he was deciding to trust you. She could see him, standing in Medical waving his hand around to identify himself, as if she had already forgotten him. There had been a vulnerability in his eyes that had struck a chord with her. He was unlike other soldiers.  Not knowing if he lay dead was torture. She longed to run across the battlefield, checking the ID’s of the fallen in search of her friend, but….the sensation of Kylo’s  rage in her mind kept her rooted to her post. She knew better than to cross the leader of the Knights of Ren when he was exercising his full power, the extent of which she still had not been faced with.

She felt it again, the fear of Kylo’s power. The power he said was inside her. Mila had watched in terrified awe as Kylo had stopped a blaster shot aimed for him in midair.  How could he possibly believe she was capable of such acts? How could she believe?  

Beyond the battlefield stood the taken village. Men, women and children all enemies now of the First Order watching in scared silence as a prisoner dressed in a Resistance flight suit was brought before Kylo Ren and forced to his knees.  Mila watched with trepidation. Could this man hold the key to the victory of The First Order?  He very well could mean the end of the fighting right here and now. But no. He was dragged onto Kylo’s ship, his fate now in Kylo’s hands. Mila’s breath picked up pace again, as she watched Stormtroopers raise their weapons to the gathered crowd. She turned her head, eyes closed, but the icy feeling of death still rained down upon her.  

 

\---

There had been no use in hiding her presence aboard the transport on its journey back to Starkiller. Captain Phasma had simply paused a moment before continuing on her way to the front of the ship.  Mila did not think it was in her power to punish her directly, if a punishment even waited.  Though it seemed she had made some impression for when the ship was docked, she was escorted by two Stormtroopers back to Medical. 

The doors opened and closed with their usual silent hiss. Mila stood for a moment in the dim room, trying to steady herself. It had felt like days since she had seen it, although it had only been hours. It was very late...or very early. She felt the familiar fatigue that usually followed a day on the battlefield.  It was a blissful sort of ache. 

But this time, there was something more. Her thoughts landed once again on Kylo Ren.  This man who had become so much of a mystery to her the more time she spent with him. The different sides of him shining brightly against each other in a dizzying contradiction. Mila touched her lips again, seeing in her mind's eye the man who had held her hand so carefully, who became the man who had pressed he against his wall, who became the man who reached out to her mind and clutched it in anger. A shiver ran down her spine. She carefully laid her satchel of supplies down, taking the time to gently unpack and clean its contents. Once finished, she entered her quarters. She stripped off her outerwear and inspected it for any tears before tossing it into the bin to be laundered. Crossing over to the sink she turned the tap on and allowed cool water to flow over her hands. She watched as dirt and blood ran off, creating a swirl of dark red color against the white. Once clean, Mila brought her hands to her face and splashed some water on it, hoping to clear her head. She slid her hands slowly down the length of her face, gazing at the reflection that stared back at her, but she realized, with mild horror, hers was not the only face reflected. 

She whirled around with a scream, her hand clutching her chest. 

Kylo Ren stood in the doorway, masked. His body heaved, his breath mechanical through his mask. “What…” he began slowly, “Did I tell you?”

Mila  felt a rush of blood come to her face. 

“What did I ask you not to do?” 

“Kylo…” she whispered, her heart hammering. “I didn’t mean-”

“You did not mean to get caught!” he took a threatening step towards her. 

Mila reflected for a moment, swallowing hard, carefully choosing her words, “No. I didn’t think about getting caught. I didn’t care.”  

His stance is wide as his head was tilted down at her, she could feel his gaze on her face, burning through his mask.  

“Kylo. There were soldiers who needed a medic. I am Chief Medical Officer, if I am expected to stand by and do nothing, than perhaps my assignment here was a mistake.”

Slowly, his hands reached up, and released the mask. Mila steeled herself, not knowing which man would be under it.      
His brow is furrowed, anger still shining from beneath the look of confusion. “A mistake? How could you think that your coming here was a mistake?”  He tucked his mask under one arm, one hand rose to lay across his chest. “That coming to me...was a mistake? Doctor...Mila...from the moment I first saw you I knew…” he could not bring himself to continue, he shook his head. “Your arrival here was not chance. There is more at play than you know. Things you could not possibly imagine.” 

“Kylo.” Mila said, her words coming out slow and measured,  “I can’t make myself believe that what you tell me is true. I watched you take that man...I watched you stop…” she shook her head, picturing the blaster shot suspended in midair, “I could never do anything like that.” she raised her hand and clenched her fist, emulating him when he had destroyed a table.  ‘You are mistaken.”

Kylo closed the gap between them, his hands finding their place on either side of her face, his mask falling to the floor. “If I didn’t believe in who you were I would not be standing in front of you now. I would not have cared. Your presence on Jakku would have been nothing to me. But when I felt you there and I saw you standing above the dead.” he squeezed his eyes closed. “You are young, and untrained-”

Mila opened her mouth to protest, but he widened his eyes and cut her off, 

“-in the ways of the Force.”  he finished. Mila tucked in her lips, swallowing the argument that had begun to bubble to the surface. A half smirk picked up the side of his mouth, “I wouldn’t dare question your other skills.” The half smile faded, “But you cannot know what danger you put yourself in. Or what it does to me.” He pressed his forehead against hers, one hand pressed to the back of her head and her will to fight him dissolved completely. 

“I am very invested in your future, Mila.” 

“Kylo…” she whispered again, and his lips closed over hers. She inhaled slowly, letting her arms snake up his back, pulling him closer to her. His hands found her waist and his arms encircled it, closing what little space was left between their bodies and gently, he lifted her. Mila gasped softly to feel her feet leave the ground. His lips left hers, and he buried his face into the curve of her neck. The feeling of his lips and breath there made her let out a small moan. Turning, Kylo picked up one of her legs, pulling it around his waist. Her hands found his hair and wove her fingers in, letting them get lost in the ebony waves. Turning slowly, he lowered himself down on the edge of Mila’s bed, and pulled her other leg around him so she straddled him. Reaching down, his hands shakily unclasped the buckle keeping the shirt of her uniform closed around her, and it fell open, hanging loosely around her.  His mouth moved across her collarbone, gently kissing each inch of newly exposed skin as the shirt was left to fall to the floor. Mila's head was tilted back, her eyes closed. Each time his warm lips moved to a new spot, the previous spot was exposed to the cool air of her room, sending goosebumps down her arms. With no warning, Kylo sunk his teeth to the delicate flesh of her neck and Mila gasped and pulled herself back. She gazed down at him and his eyes burned back.  Mila’s fingers started to pull open his thick belt and pull on the heavy vest, revealing a thinner shirt with an open collar underneath. She cast them aside to join her shirt on the floor. 

Silently, they continued to undress one another. Slowly, as if one false move would bring it all to an end. Mila’s flesh was prickling with the electricity that Kylo’s presence always brought to her. He ran his fingers down her exposed back and Mila arched against them like a cat bringing, to Kylo’s delight, her breasts closer to him. His hands encased them and he circled his thumbs over her nipples. They kissed again, breathless now, the pounding hearts and frantic panting the only sounds. Carefully, his hand slipped down between her legs, his cool hand making gentle contact with the warm mound. The electricity in Mila’s head flashed white. She made the smallest of whimpers. Her hips began to rock, sliding herself back and forth so his fingertips made contact again and again with the tiny bud. She struggled to open her eyes against the pleasure that was making her float away. Kylo’s eyes were locked onto Mila’s face, watching intently as she swayed over him, his lips were parted in awe. Then one hand locked on her thigh, completely immobilizing her movement. Mila whimpered in agony, the need for his continued touch made her grip his hair in frustration. She opened her eyes. He was completely in control of himself, but she could see the effort it was taking She felt it then, his flesh, hard and unyielding, pressing against her thigh. Mila shifted her legs. Kylo’s eyes burned harder than ever. 

“Please.” his voice came out in a strangled whisper.  “I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“You won’t. I promise.” 

He closed his eyes, “I have never found myself in a position like this. I don’t know if I can control myself. I have never allowed myself to be lead... by lust...” he leans forward and kissed the small between her breasts.    

Mila bit her lip hard, processing what he was telling her. In a fit of a different type of passion, Kylo had reduced a table to a twisted pile of scrap. 

“We can stop.” she whispered, and she started to rise from his lap. 

His hands held her in place, eyes steely  “I would rather we continue.” 

Slowly, he pulled her onto him and the world vanished. There was no Force, there were no duties, there were no battlefields. There was only Kylo Ren.  


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter IX**

 

Mila was the first to rise not long after the final waves of passion receded. Lifting her head from Kylo's chest, she sat on the edge of the bed. She struggled to think of a word for the feeling in her stomach. There was a sense of bittersweet fear as she felt as if the world as she knew it had crumbled away. The road before her stretched out and where it lead, Mila could not begin to guess. And yet, she was breathless with excitement. Turning slightly she looked down at Kylo. He lay flat on his back, one arm by his side, the other outstretched from where she had pulled yourself out. His eyes were closed, his chest rising and falling steadily. Mila drank in the beauty of the peace that was on his face. Her eyes glided down to the wide mouth, the full bottom lip, the long neck...she wanted to memorize every detail. The urge to lean down and kiss every freckle on either side of his nose, and the one above his eyebrow was overwhelming but she held back, not wanting to disturb him. Mila wondered how he would react to an act of such tenderness.   
"I can feel your eyes on me, MIla."Kylo spoke without opening his eyes. "Stare any harder and you just might set fire to me."    
She turned away, a blush heating her cheeks, did anything get past him? 

"It's very early." she whispered softly, "I need to prepare Medical for opening. You should rest. You can sleep in my bed if you wish. You wouldn't be bothered back here." Mila rose, the cool air giving her goosebumps. She softly pulled a fresh uniform from her locker.   
Kylo shook his head, "No. I should go back to my duties. I came directly here after interrogating  our guest...I need to report to Leader Snoke." His dark eyes opened at last, "He'll be interested hear about you."    
Mila’s stomach flipped. "Me...Why should he care about me?"    
Kylo sat up, the sheet falling away, bringing the view of his bare chest into the dim light. "A force user who can sense impending death...I think he'd be VERY interested in seeing just how far you can push that ability."   
MIla slid her arms through the holes of the shirt, and wrapped the loose ends around herself, secured the buckle on her hip.   
"Well, the best way to push an ability is through practical learning....say on battlefields? Tending to wounded soldiers?"   
Kylo rolled his eyes as he climbed out of bed, untangling himself from her sheets. "Gods. You won’t let me have a moment's rest on that will you?” 

“It’s unlikely.” She smiled softly, and pulled on black leggings. Kylo watched her dress with the same look on his face as when he undressed her. He shook his head, “But, you are correct. You will accompany the scouting parties only under the condition you train with me in combat. I may not be able to stop you from running into open fire, but I can make sure you have the skills needed to confront anyone who thinks of you as an easy target.” He rises, gathering his discarded clothing. “

“I did have basic training…” Mila point out cooly. 

He smiled a little wickedly. “I’m going to push you, remember? For the Glory of the First Order…” he chanted Mila’s mantra back to her. 

Mila looked at him. Anything. She thought. I will do anything...for him. 

Kylo dressed in silence. He stood tall for a moment, looking at her as he slipped on his gloves. 

They both heard it at the same time. An alarm echoing off the metal hallways and the sudden flurry of voices and movement. Their eyes met, and they both made a break for the door, Kylo securing his mask in place. Mila looked for a moment, the face underneath it still so clear to her before stepping out of Medical and into the frantic flurry of activity outside.  She stopped suddenly. Mila felt it again. Death. Her vision darkened. She shook her head to clear the dimness, but still she retreated back and gathered what medical supplies she could reach and returned them to her satchel. 

She followed Kylo as he stalked towards the main control room.

“Sir.” A man said, “There was a problem. The prisoner has escaped with one of our own... “ Suddenly the man is dragged forward as if pulled by strong hands.

“What do you mean, escaped?” Kylo’s voice came out hard.     
“Please…A Stormtrooper” the man grasped frantically at the grip he could not see. “We have them in our sights.” From somewhere behind him, Mila heard the order to fire when ready. She walked forward to the main window and watched. 

“I know exactly who...” Kylo growled, she felt him pace back and forth behind her. There was a sick feeling in her stomach. The compassionate eyes of FN-2187 flashed in her mind. 

“No.” she whispered, watching as the TIE fighter was fired upon. There had to have been a mistake. He was forced into it. He had to have been manipulated by the Rebellion prisoner, taken hostage. Mila saw the guns of the TIE fighter move into position and her mouth dropped in horror. Kylo jerked her away from the window as the first strike hit, his arm holding her close to the ground. She covered her head as glass rained down upon everyone. There was screaming. More blasts came. Bodies flew from the force of the explosions. She raised her head and looked about, two people lay dead. More lay injured. 

“No!!” she screamed. He is firing upon his own base! His own people! MIla bolted from Kylos side, and laid her hands on the neck of a man who had been lacerated by the flying glass. There was too much blood. His death made her vision dim again, the puff of cold air blowing across her mind. 

She crawled to the next station, and dug frantically for the Blood Stopping Serum. The woman is hysterical. Cuts covered her face. Mila held her down, loaded the medjector with a mild tranquilizer to calm her. She laid still, and Mila looked around in horror at the casualties. Broken bodies of men and woman lay crumpled as survivors desperately tried to regain control of their stations. That was just on this level. What horrors had played out below in the hanger?  The feeling of death was palatable, it sat in her mouth like a block of iron. 

There was tremble to Mila’s hands. How could he possibly be being forced to fire by someone piloting a TIE fighter? He did this willingly...knowingly.  

From somewhere, she heard a voice call out “Direct hit!” and she watched as the TIE fighter spun out of control from the blast. She rose, and turned her head to look at Kylo, who was watching the falling ship, fists clenched beside him. 

Her friend.... How could he do this? A man once so eager to help his fellow soldiers, he risked punishment to sneak you down to give medical care to them...and now... Mila watched the ship fall. “His fate is sealed.”  she thought bitterly. She looked down at the sticky blood on her hands. “Forget him. “

Kylo came to her side. 

MIla turned, gazing out over the destruction left behind. 

“Kylo....teach me how to fight as you do.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter X**

 

The early morning attack on Starkiller by one of its own had left a distinct feeling of tension in the air. It had certainly left Mila feeling uneasy. There had been almost a dozen men and women who did not make it. She had worked through the long day into tending to the survivors. General Hux had ordered the conversion of a larger commons area into a temporary relocation of medical. None of the wounded were in any critical condition, but still had ran her ragged. She had snapped at Hux to send her anyone who had any sort of medical training to assist you and he sent three people to her aid. Setting bones, treating burns, sealing wounds, coupled with giving orders... It was a familiar rush of activity and Mila was grateful for the distraction.  

 

The betrayal of FN-2187 and her association with him had left a rift. It became apparent to her when she attempted to access the lower levels to treat any who had been wounded when the stole TIE fighter had left the hanger.  Mila had been told in no uncertain terms by Captain Phasma herself that if any of her men wished to seek medical treatment they would be sent to her. Thus far no one had come. 

 

Mila watched the last patient leave, cradling a casted arm. No one had stayed, each had prefered to nurse their wounds in their own beds. She took note of each of their locations and promised to check in to deliver more pain medications before they went to sleep for the night. Her assistants stood awkwardly looking to Mila for their next orders, the need for sleep lining their faces. She sent them away, telling them she would have them summoned again when it came time to make rounds. They obeyed, eager to get to their own beds.  

 

Sinking down into a chair, Mila allowed her face to fall into her hands. The distraction of activity had ceased and she was left with her own thoughts. Never in her days had you ever encountered such an attack brought upon by someone from her own side.  She thought of the plain boxes that contained the bodies of the casualties and she felt sick. A deliberate attack from someone she had treated...someone she had trusted. A hot tightness formed in her stomach. Her fist slammed down on the table so hard a shock of pain shot up her arm. 

“Mila?”

The deep voice synthesized behind her made her jump. She turned her body slightly and saw Kylo walking towards where she was sitting.  

“Kylo…” Mila started to stand, but he put his hand out to stop her. She sank back into her seat as he pulled the chair out across from her. 

“Shall we begin your training?”

MIla eyes closed, “Kylo. I am exhausted, I do not have the strength to fight right now.”

He shook his head, “Not fight. Train.” 

“I don’t….” she began.

He reached over and slid small vial of medication to the center of the table. “Lift it.” 

Slowly, Mila reached her hand out, but he stopped her.

“Not with your hands.”  The vial lifted off the table, hovering a few inches. “Use the force.” 

She watched it silently drop back to the table’s surface, Kylo released her hand. “Concentrate, feel the force flow through you. Take root in an emotion, reach out with your mind and lift the vial.”

Mila closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. An emotion. Kylo’s words from before echoed in her mind, “Through passion I gain strength…” An image surfaced from the evening before. Kylo, sitting on her bed, gazing up at her as his arms guided her hips in a strong and powerful rhythm. Lust spread through her chest. She opened her eyes and gazed intently at the vial. It stayed on the table. Mila summoned another image, Kylo’s hand tightly gripping her wrists, pinning them above her head...the vial remained stubbornly unmoved.

“You are blushing, Mila. I don’t need to enter your mind to know what you are thinking of…”

She turned her gaze to meet his, she could see his face clearly although his mask remained in place.  “Remember your true passion…remember what brought you here in the first place. Tell me your position.”

“I am Chief Medical Officer of Starkiller Base.”

“Yes. And how did you secure that position?”           

She took her hands from your lap and rested them on the table. “I was hand selected by General Hux. My qualifications in dealing with those with PTSD set me apart.” She looked pointedly at him. 

“Before that…”

“Before that I was trained at the Imperial Academy.” 

“In?” Kylo leaned forward slightly. 

“In Medicine and Healing, Kylo. That much is obvious. What does this have to do with-”

Kylo interrupted her “Before that.”

“Before that...I was living with my father. He sent me to the Academy.”

“Why?” Kylo’s rapid fire of questions made her shift in your seat. 

“He wanted to see me trained as a doctor. He was happy to see me go.”

“Why?”

“When my mother died, it was just he and I. I wouldn’t call us the closest. I reminded him too much of her. He resented me a little, although he would never admit it.”

“Because you killed her.”  His words did not come out as a question. It was a statement, the power of which made Mila fall back in her seat. 

“I was merely born. I had no control over what happened to her.”  

“There’s more…” he goadded

“No..” she said.

“I will take it, Mila, if I have to.” She felt the push of his mind into hers. 

“Kylo, no.” 

“So many years of having someone look at you and wish you were someone else…Every error you made making you feel like you should have been the one to die instead. So you pushed yourself hard, desperate for a way to make him look at you and see you...not her. But who can compete with a ghost...”

“Stop.” she whispered.

“You had something to prove, Mila. All the while something dark growing in your heart. You felt the truth. Wouldn’t even push herself to live for the sake of her only child... ” 

Mila’s body launched itself forward, “SHE WAS WEAK!” she screamed. 

There is the tiniest of noises. She turned her head to look at the vial. A crack had formed down the center, smaller lines extended from it like spiderwebs.

Kylo reached up and unlatched his helmet. His eyes shone. 

“And so it begins….”  


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter XI**

 

     Leaving Medical in the somewhat capable hands of her assistants, Mila was able to devote a few hours of her day to Kylo and his teachings. One of the training rooms used for Stormtroopers had been cleared of most of its equipment and was to be used only by the two of them. Upon their first meeting there he had shown Mila his own lightsaber. She had jumped only slightly when he activated the weapon. It’s crude red light crackled menacingly, illuminating his face slightly. She watched as he readied himself in a starting position before lunging forward in carefully measured steps, swinging and twirling the lightsaber around his body. The grace with which he moved left Mila feeling a little breathless. The agile way he maneuvered his way across the floor, thrusting and parrying, sparring an invisible adversary was a sight to behold. Deftly, he brought the saber down upon the shoulder of a battle dummy, which bisected it diagonally. He stood for a moment over the pieces, shoulders moving with his breath. Slowly he turned to her, sheathing his weapon and waited for her to speak. But no words came. Mila felt an odd mixture of emotions. Watching him exert himself physically caused a warm and now familiar feeling to pool in the bottom of her belly. How did he expect her to concentrate? 

Nevertheless, he traded his lightsaber for a long rounded staff. He tossed another to Mila and he guided her through learning a few maneuvers. She automatically took a defensive position. Kylo chuckled and shook his head. He reached over and moved her arms to an attack stance.  

“First we see how you can fight, Doctor. Attack me. Don’t hold back. Remember what we’ve spoken of. Remember your passion.”  

He resumed his place across from her, taking the defense position.  Mila moved forward, bringing down the staff as she did. It met Kylo's with a loud crack that echoed off the walls. Pulling back, she brought it down again to his left side, but he blocked her. Again and again, he deflected her blows, stepping backwards as she walked forward. MIla grunted with effort. Each time her staff met his, she got a small shock of pain in her hands as it vibrated from the force of the blow. 

When they reached the edge of the mat, Kylo thrust himself forward and Mila shrieked, quickly bringing her staff up to block him from striking her body. He came at her, with less fever than he had when he destroyed the dummy. He was testing her, feeling out the edges of her abilities. Bringing her again to the edge of her limits. 

Mila’s staff and his met across their chests, pressing hard against one another but neither one of them giving the other quarter.  He was pushing against her with his full weight, a vein in his neck bulging with effort. 

“You are stronger than you let on, Mila.” he said.  Her teeth were bared in effort, she made no attempt to speak. She let her arms relax only slightly, giving the tension between the two staffs a tiny amount of slack. With a cry, Mila pushed forward, sending Kylo off balance slightly. He stepped back to regain his footing. Mila lunged, but Kylo was faster. Deftly, he brought his staff down, striking hers from her grip. Mila’s hand stung from the blow. She felt the cool staff meet her neck. Defeated.  

“A very good first run.” He said with a smile. Lifting his hand, he reached out for the staff that had slid a few feet away and it came to him, floating silently through the air. He replaced it in Mila’s hands. 

“Again.” 

The hours stretched long before he finally called an end to the evening's training. 

“Go rest. See to your duties.” Kylo told her. “Come to me tonight.”  She nodded and left him, longing for a bath.  

\---

As Mila slid into the metal basin she let out a moan. Her sore muscles soaked up the heat of the hot water. Mila lifted her hands and looked at the blisters forming there. Raw and red. Her basic training in combat had been mostly self defense. Kylo was teaching her to fight. Her body was moving in ways it had not before.  He had not been speaking lightly when he said he was going to push her. And push her he did. Kylo was very adept at bringing her to the very edge of anger. Goading her with words and pulling her thoughts from her mind to speak them aloud back to her. He seemed to take pleasure in it. Not in tormenting her, but in stoking the fires before guiding the flare into the flow of the Force which guided her arms and legs in sparring with him.  

The cracked glass vial sat near her on the counter, serving as a reminder of her raw power. From the bathtub Mila gazed at it, willing it to lift. But it remained stubbornly still. She closed her eyes and rested her head on the edge of the tub, drawing upon a memory she had long since buried deep.

 

_ Leaning on the doorway of her father’s study, Mila gazed into the room at the man sitting with his back to the door.  “Father. It’s time. I am going now.” The transport to take to Mila the academy was waiting. The man gave no response. “I shall do my best to make you proud, father. I will bring honor to your name.” He looked at her over his shoulder. “When I return...I hope you’ll think more fondly of me.”  There was a small dark derisive laugh and  _ _ Arviet Jundik turned to face her.  _

_ “Honor is a fool's prize and as for fondness, daughter...that all depends on the nature of your return. If you expect me to weep over the corpse of a reckless girl then you understand nothing of glory.”  Mila’s blood ran cold.   _

_ “Then I won’t return as a corpse.” _

_ “We shall see.” he turns away. “If you intend to die honoring my name do it while I am alive yet to witness it. Glory is of no use to the dead.”  _

 

Mila opened her eyes, the bitter seed in her heart throbbing. She fixed her eyes on the vial, and felt the tremor move up her chest. The vial shook, making a clattering noise against the counter top. She pressed harder, allowing her body to be filled with the sting of the memory. Her lips curled into a sneer. What had he known of honor? Of glory? He had hardly left the house again after her mother had died. A mouse of a man. Too afraid to face the world on his own. Mourning a woman who had been dead longer than they had known one another…

Neither of them knew what power she was capable of. But Kylo did. 

The vial trembled more violently….and lifted. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once tempted. Now more easily broken.

**Chapter XII**

 

Mila sat, naked as a jaybird on the edge of the bathtub, the steam from the heated tub sticking to her skin. Shaking her damp hair from her eyes, she again set her sights on the small vial. Taking a breath she focused on the feeling, not the memories. She felt the rumble in her chest, allowed it to fill her mind, and more steadily the vial came to her. She could barely contain her grin. It was easier now, to call upon the Force. It felt like an extension of herself, like her arms had finally been unbound after years of fumbling. Mila twirled her fingers, the vial floating inches above her fingertips followed suit. It was intoxicating. The grin broke free. She closed her fingers around the vial and rose to dress.  

Her assistants waited for her out in the main room of Medical. Mila smiled at them cordially and gave them their instructions for the evening. Several people were in need of their rounds of pain medication, a few needed dressings changed. Under normal circumstances she would have dropped everything to see to her duties but she was desperate to get to Kylo’s bunker for the evening.  It was basic enough care that she felt comfortable letting them go unaccompanied. Mila loaded them with supplies and saw them off. 

-

Soon she walked the steps she had taken the first night she had connected with Kylo. Down the windowed corridor, up the glass elevator….she touched her fingers softly on the glass window overlooking the stretch of frozen landscape. It was still lovely. The stars still flashed, the galaxy of snow still shone. But Mila looked at it with different eyes. How radically life had changed since she had last gazed out of this window. She closed her eyes and thought back to the night and laughed softly. She knew then it was not just chance she had chosen this area that night. The draw she had felt was the same feeling as when she summoned the Force in her mind. It truly surrounded everything, guiding all.

  She walked the short distance to Kylo’s bunker, pausing only a moment to gaze at the slash on the door, knowing know the weapon that made it. She opened his door and entered. 

She did not see him immediately. But she heard his low voice coming from deep within. She followed it to a small room in the back. He is seated, his head stopped low. He is speaking with someone. Mila hung back, not wanting to interrupt, but she saw he was alone. She cocked her head, confused. 

“I will finish what you started...” He said,before rising. As he turns her eyes fell upon what it was he was speaking to. It was a dilapidated mask, badly burnt and disfigured. She felt her forehead furrow. Skull-like and twisted, the back empty eyes stared at her and she felt a shiver run down her back. Kylo watched her taking in the sight for a moment before touching her shoulder and turning her away. He closed the door to the small room behind him. She walked a few steps ahead of him, crossing to the center of the room. He was silent still, leaving his mask in place. The eagerness she had come with had faded somewhat. He was uneasy, she felt it. His usual strong gait seemed sloped, as if a heavy weight was upon him. The burden of which Mila could not begin to imagine. He fought a battle she did not have to face. A call to a different side of the Force. She knew only one. Mila crossed to him. 

“Kylo…” she reached her hand up to touch his chest. It had barely brushed him when he reached up and grabbed her wrist. The sudden movement made her inhale sharply. He griped her...hard and pulls back her hand. Mila froze, unsure what to do.  She looked up to his face, gazing at the dark eye vents, looking for any sign of life behind it. 

As suddenly as he had grabbed her, he released her. He reached up and unlatched his helmet. MIla stood on guard, not knowing what man waited beneath it. He looked at her queerly. As if he was unsure who she was, his dark eyes shining with question. 

Then...he came at her. He gripped the back of her neck, pulling it forward to meet his lips. There was a different sort of desperation to this kiss. A deep want, a primal need. A deep hunger was welling inside her. He pulled Mila’s body against his, crushing it with his free arm. There was a small crash as he dropped his helmet to the ground, and locked his other arm around her. There was no breaking from his grip, although she had no desire to. Mila fell into the power of his kiss, her want as great as his. He pushed and pulled her body towards his bed. This time there was no caution from him, nothing was slow. Mila’s hands were fumbling with his belt again. Again and again her fingers slipped. Mewling with frustration, she tore her swollen mouth from his and moved her hands in a slashing motion across his waist. At once, the belt flew across the room, hitting a wall and crumpling to the floor. Kylo’s hands stopped their movements at once. He gazed up at Mila the look on his face an indescribable mix of pride, lust, and awe. 

“Very good.” He growled and then he ripped at her clothing, the desperation for skin against skin fueling his hands. Mila gasped as her clothing was torn away, until she stood before him, completely bared. Her flesh prickled with the sudden exposure to the cool air as Kylo’s hands fell to his sides for a moment. His eyes roamed over her every inch. She seemed to gleam in the dimness of his room. A creature of starlight. He could no longer hold back. His hands found her breasts at once, he kneaded them as he bit and sucked on her bottom lip. His hands guided her down onto his bed, and he crouched over her. A lion, cornering his prey. His lips closed over hers. Mila reached for him, her hands almost making contact with his face but then it was if they had hit an invisible barrier. Kylo laughed softly against her mouth. 

“Next lesson. Through strength….I gain power…” Mila’s arms were moved above her head by a strong invisible push. She wriggled but she was immobilized. Her breath began to quicken. Kylo watched her struggle for a moment against his push before lunging forward again and burying himself into her neck. He nipped and sucked at her flesh, beginning an agonizingly slow trail down her chest, while Mila flailed against him, a series of small gasps and moans escaping her parted lips.

“The more you struggle. The less you will be able to move.” Kylo whispered into her skin. Milas hips fell flat onto the softness of his bed, her chest heaving. 

“Please...” she moaned. She felt him smile into her hip, the feeling of his teeth there made her quake. 

“Begging for mercy. So soon. I thought you were stronger than that.” His hand rested on her cunt and he ran his cool thumb down her slit, and Mila’s body arched. His finger found a steady movement, brushing back and forth against her until she was dripping. He pulled his fingers away, looking at the glistening strings between them. He brought his fingers to his lips, and tasted her slickness. Mila watched him, a blush creeping up her face. A wicked grin broke across his mouth. 

“Kylo..” she whispered, craning her neck up to look at him. An invisible hand pushed her head back onto the bed, and Mila cried out.  He leaned forward, his mouth on her, tongue and lips resuming the work his fingers had left unfinished. She was completely at his mercy again. As he had come at her in the training room, he was pushing her to the very edge of her limits, barely letting her catch her breath before plunging forward again.

Mila cried out his name and he pulled away, his mouth shining with her wetness. He was heaving, his breath ragged. Mila felt the invisible restraints release their hold on her and she flew at him, dragging him down atop her. She cried out again as he finally pushed himself inside her. She pulled him closer, deeper and he gladly responded again and again until they both gave in and fell over the edge. 

Mila lay, curled on his chest, his hand tangled in her hair as she tried to catch her breath. Softly, he laughed and she raised her head to look at him, questioning.

“Was there something you wanted to tell me, Mila?” 

She pressed her lips together, to keep a smile from spreading across her face. Looking around she spied the glint of the glass vial amongst her discarded clothing. She reached her hand out, and it came to her. 

She handed it to him and he smiled at her, the pride in his eyes filling her chest with bliss. 

“Very, very good.” he said, turning the vial around in his long fingers. 

“Very good teaching.” she replied. 

He rose and she reluctantly followed. Reaching down he griped the side of her face, holding it in place before leaning down and kissed her again. 

“Come, Doctor. There is something we must witness.” She nodded.

\- 

Once dressed she followed Kylo outside his bunker to the windows they had both gazed out of so many nights ago. 

Mila's lips parted in surprise at what she saw. 

The base was powering up. The usual white light of the planet replaced by a red glow. She swallowed hard. There is a deep rumble from within the very core of the planet, building slowly. And then. The sky was filled with red light. Power surged forward. 

Mila’s hands flew to her ears. The power of death was overwhelming.  She fell to her knees, blinded by the darkness of death. Kylo’s hands were upon hers. He spoke but she could not hear him. A million voices screamed in her head. And then they ceased. One lone voice still cries out and Mila realized, it was her own. And then darkness took her. 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter XIII

 

"Come back, Mila. Come back to me. ”    
Mila gasped as if coming up from underwater and her eyes flew open. She found herself back in Kylo's bed. The very air seemed to be compressing against her. She sat bolt upright and collapsed against at his chest. An animalistic keening emitted from her as she struggled for breath. Kylo clutched her face, turning it upwards to meet his own.    
"Do not let it overtake you!” his voice cut through her cries.    
“I can’t." Mila sobbed, her voice strangled, she tried to turn her face from his.    
Kylo's grip was relentless.    
"Do not let it overtake you!” He repeated. “Use it, Mila. Control it. Let it flow over you but do not let it control you! "   
"I can't do this without you, Kylo. Take me where you go. Anywhere you go. I will follow where you lead me.”    
There was a pause. Kylo pressed his forehead to hers.    
"I wish to never be parted from you. As long as I draw breath."   
The sound of silence presses against you. Mila's breathing  slowly returning to a normal pace. “I’m sorry.” She gasped, pressing her fingers over her. Kylo pulled back her fingers. 

“Apologies are useless.” he said plainly. “And there is no need for them. I should have warned you of what was to happen. But you needed to see what happens if you do not learn to control the power inside you. It will overtake you and you will drown in it.” Kylo’s hands clasped her shoulders, “I know you are more powerful than you will allow yourself to believe. You must let go of your doubt. Doubt is weakness. The Sith have no use for it.” 

Mila nodded feebly. “I’ll never doubt again. I will not be weak.”

“Good.” his hands slid down her arms, hands clasping her. Mila raised his hands to her lips and pressed them against the leather gloves. His hand enveloped her cheek more gently and she pressed against it, looking up at him. Although he wore his mask, his face was burned into her memory, and through it she felt the strength of his gaze fixed upon her. They both sat for a moment in silent reflection, relishing in the tenderness of the moment.

The silence was too soon punctured by the sound of the Kylo’s bunker door opening. 

MIla dropped her light grip on Kylo’s hand and his fell from her face. He stood and crossed to the open doorway of his bedroom. Mila untangled herself from his bedding and shakily got to her feet. 

“Ren…” she could hear the voice of General Hux,  “We have just received a transmission from the planet of Takodana. The droid has been reported….”   

Kylo drew himself to his fullest height. “Make ready my ship.”

Hux wrinkled his nose “My men are more than capable-”

“I will personally oversee its capture. We wouldn’t want a repeat of Jakku, now would we General?” 

Hux’s face twisted into a scowl. “One failed mission is nothing. My men were struck by unforeseen circumstances and handled themselves with dignity.You, however cost us an entire control room, Ren. ” he hissed. “You still-”Hux stopped dead when he saw Mila in the doorway. His eyes trailed over her, the sight of her disheveled clothing, and flushed face making a red glow start to crawl up his neck until it disappeared into his fiery tresses.  “Clearly, whatever methods Doctor Mila is using are ineffective. Tell me how many late hours has she spent tending to your “needs”? ” Mila felt your face burn and clenched her jaw.    
“How I spend my private time is none of your concern.” Kylo said his voice rising in anger.    
“It is when your “private time” is on the payroll. I wish you had told me that was all your frail mental state needed-prostitutes are cheaper for hire than doctors.”    
Kylo took a menacing step forward, but MIla pushed past him.   
“How dare you!” her voice came out a low snarl. “How DARE you speak of me in such a crude way. After all of the hours I spent listening to your snivel on and on about your meager aches and pains while all around you sent your men to suffer. You boast yourself a leader, Hux but-” she stopped. Hux’s eyes had widened at her outburst, but they didn’t stop there. They were almost bulging, the redness in his face deepened.    
“R..Ren..” he choked, “Stop this now. Let..let me….go.” his hands grasped at his throat.    
“It isn’t me, Hux” Kylo said slowly, a hint of amusement in his voice.    
Mila was suddenly aware of her clenched fist. Hux’s eyes trailed back to her. She watched the emotions fly through them like the phases of the moon. Confusion. Realization. Fear.    
“No…it can’t be.” he gasped.    
“It can.” she snarled. Tightening her grip and lifting her hand, forcing Hux to balance on his toes.    
Kylo stepped up by her side. 

“I grant you Hux. You weren’t wrong when you chose her based on her strengths. She is exactly what I needed. And I have you to thank for sending her right to me.”    
Pride swelled in her chest.    
“Release him, Mila.”    
She obeyed. Hux staggered backwards as she released her grip on him.    
“And what….did Leader Snoke have to say about her?”   
MIla turned to Kylo. He had not told her what Snoke had said.    
“He was intrigued. As I was. I follow his orders in training her. Now Hux. If you’ll excuse us. We have a droid to capture.” Kylo swept past him.   
Hux regained his footing. “She is going with you?”   
“Would you rather she wait with you?”    
Hux said nothing and she joined Kylo in the elevator, taking her place at his side.    


 

Kylo allowed her to stop by Medical before departing. She packed her satchel and slid into your jacket, bucking herself into its dark material. Mila caught her reflection as she exited her room, she could hardly recognize herself. The person reflected back looked stronger than she remembered, wiser too. Her eyes had been opened to the truth. She was powerful. She grinned and walked out to where Kylo was waiting. 

 

That small smile remained on her face as she stood by Kylo’s side on his ship. They were almost upon Takodana.    
“What amuses you?” Kylo asked.    
The smile spread a bit “You. This.” Mila gazed out. “I feel like I am fulfilling my destiny.”   
“Embrace it.” Kylo said, she could hear the smile in his voice.    
“I intend to.” she responded.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter XIV**

 

Mila braced herself as Kylo’s ship entered the atmosphere of Takodana.The dark green of the planet’s surface stretching out before them. She looked to Kylo who was standing his arms behind his back, seemingly nonplussed by the ships shaking.

“You will wait here for me to return.” he told her, looking down at her.

Mila could not help but give a little laugh.

“You are bringing me to a battle, Kylo. I am going to do what I was trained to do on a battlefield.”

The ship landed on the planet’s surface with a rattling thump and she nodded her head towards the door.

“You can stay here and try and stop me, or you can do what you came to do.”

Kylo turned to her and shook his head, “There will come a time, as my apprentice, that you must obey me.”

Mila felt a wicked grin spread across her face, “Maybe soon. But not today. I will hold back until the first wave has ended.”

He gave a satisfied nod and swept down the ramp.

Mila paced, like a caged beast, adjusting the buckles on her dark coat. This was still the part she despised the most. Waiting. Waiting as the sounds of a battle roared like a storm around her. Waiting for it to ebb so she could crawl along the torn landscape and salvage what lives she could. The sound remained steady and she soon could not bear it anymore. Slowly, she edged to the open door of the ship, much like she had on Jakku. Keeping herself low, she gazed out over the fight. The battle in the broad daylight was a startling contrast to the battle of Jakku had been at night. Unlike the attack on the village, this was a planet of creatures, humans and other lifeforms of all walks of life, who were prepared for a fight, and fight they did. It was vicious. Stormtroopers fell left and right, her vision dimmed with their deaths. The sounds of screams in her head started to drown out the sounds of blasters firing. She closed her eyes and exhaled.

_Control it. Use it. Do not let it overtake you._

Kylo’s words echoed in her mind. She focused on the sounds of fighting. The mission. The driving force behind it all. Their deaths meant something. The galaxy had been cleansed of the Old Republic to make way for the true power. For the glory of the First Order. And the Force. She opened her eyes, a new feeling taking the place of the usual dread in her mind. Power. You stood tall and walked down the ramp onto the planet’s surface.

She came upon the first fallen Stormtropper, and bent to examine him. His white armour is shattered and bloodstained. She could do him no good. There was suddenly a hail of blaster fire and Mila threw herself on the ground, dodging. She bellowed with shock. Looking in front of her, her fingers closed around the man’s fallen weapon. She sat up, took aim and fired. The creature who had shot at her moved their body out of range. She stood and fired again as they took aim and fired again. They missed her, but just barely. Herr breath was quick. She had never fired a blaster before. But the feeling inside her head seemed to take hold of her. She fired again. The creature fell, their death stinging like a small pain. Mila lowered the weapon. She had never killed before. A panic rose, extinguishing the feeling of the Force she had felt coursing in her body.  She walked forward, stumbling slightly. They had shot first, she told herself, they could have…would have killed her. She continued her march forward. The battle had moved on from around the ships. She looked ahead in the distance as men stormed the large castle on the horizon, fighting and falling amongst the rubble. Where was Kylo? Mila scanned her surroundings but did not see him. Was he taken? Impossible. Dead?

No. She slammed the lid down on the thought. She would have known. She would have felt it. She was connected to him. She would have felt his death.

Herr thoughts were broken by the sudden arrival of more and more ships. The Resistance. She bared her teeth. This was to be expected. The fight had nearly been over, and now they had arrived and the fighting would continue.  

Among the people still walking, she saw someone. Her heart stopped and she cried out in horror. It couldn’t be.

FN-2187.

Mila shook her head, mouth wide. No…no…he was dead. She had watched his ship be shot down. But there he was, climbing over rocks and rubble as alive as she was. She found herself frozen to the spot. He was holding a weapon. He was firing up Stormtroppers...and he was killing them. Her hand flew to her chest. To fire back upon the base was one thing. But to walk among the bodies of his former comrades and take weapons off their bodies….

Murder. Traitor. A lauded soldier of the First Order now no more than Resistance scum.

“NO!” she screamed so loudly her throat ached. Mila found the blaster, raised it and aimed. She fired, hitting the rubble he was passing under. He stopped dead and turned, the fear in his face gave way to recognition and shock.

“Doctor?” his yell came out shaky.

“How could you?” she screamed again, walking forward with wide strides.

“You don’t have to do this!” He said, a note of panic in his voice. “You don’t have to kill for them!”

“So I should keep letting you kill…for them!?” her arm flew up, pointing towards the heart of the battle in the skies.

“I don’t want to kill for anyone! If you stay with the First Order that is all you will ever do, doctor, kill.” he gestured to her raised weapon. “The First Order kills without a thought. They murder all that’s good.. Look at yourself! Look at what you’ve become!”

She clutched the weapon tightly.

“Come with us. Come with me. This is not who are you, Doctor.”

“How do you know who I am?” she snarled. “I will never…NEVER join you.I know where my loyalties lie. I belong to the First Order, I belong to Kylo Ren.”

His face grew dark.  “Then the Doctor I knew is dead.”

“I suppose she is.”

There was an explosion, and she instinctively raised her arm to shield her face. He used the distraction to began to run towards the landed resistance ships.

Mila turned and walked back towards Kylo’s ship, breaking into a run. She threw the blaster on the ground and bolted up the ramp.

Her breath was ragged. Pure poison. He was spitting pure poison at her. She should have just killed him.

There was noise behind her and she turned. Kylo was walking up the ramp cradling….a girl. Unconscious. Her heart skipped a beat. Their mission was to capture the BB-8 unit not…a person. She looked at him with a furrowed brow.

“Kylo…who is she?”

He did not answer, he passed by her silently.

There was a pang in her stomach as she watched him lay her down on a small padded indent in the ship’s wall. He gazed over her and the pang tightened.

“I didn’t realize we were taking a captive..”

Kylo does not respond again.

She crossed to him and looked down at her. She is glazed with sweat and dirt. Her face is pale. Was she even alive? Mila reached for her wrist to check her pulse.

“Leave her.” Kylo growled at you.

White hot anger surged through your mind.

“Let me check her.” she snapped. “How do you expect to interrogate a dead prisoner?”

There was a long pause, the only sound was that of the ship taking off.

“Very well.” Kylo said in a low voice. He walked away. Mila kept her face pointed down, but followed him with her eyes.

Why had he taken this…woman? Their objective had been clear. The droid was here. That was all he needed. It was unlike Kylo to depart from a mission plan. What had he seen in her?

She felt it again. The pang in your stomach. And she was sickened when she remembered it. For so many years as a child she had felt it when her father spoke of her mother.

Jealously.

-

When Kylo’s ship docked at Starkiller Base, he ordered two Stormtroopers to take the prisoner to an interrogation room.

“Make sure she is secure.” he said testily, watching as they collected her. They each slung a limp arm over their neck and carried her gently down the ramp.

Mila watched them leave with trepidation gnawing at her stomach. “Kylo…” she spoke softly.  
He did not look her. His head remained turned to the direction of where the Stormtroopers had walked away with the girl, although they were now out of sight.  
The silence was disturbing her. Kylo’s silence had always been reflective, thoughtful and poignant. Mila had always felt a fullness of emotion within it even if it remained unspoken. But now...she felt nothing and the absence of feeling scared her. What was going through his mind? “Gods. He is still such a mystery to me”, she thought ruefully. Although he had opened himself to her freely in some regard, there were still so many more hidden aspects of himself that he kept circumspectly concealed. It was so palpable in this moment that it was as if Mila was, once again, pressed to the outside of his bunker door, yearning to enter. Her lips parted, forming his name, but no sound came out. He began to move then, exiting his vessel without a glance back in her direction.  
Following on Kylo’s heels, Mila gazed at the back of his helmet and reached out with her mind. Almost immediately, she felt a resistance, an invisible barrier stopping the outreach, like fingertips meeting glass.

“Don’t.” Kylo said. “Don’t even try.”

“Then answer me, Kylo.”

He stopped, tilting his head over his shoulder so she could just barely see the front of his mask. “Why didn’t you capture the droid?”

“There was no need anymore….the girl...she’s seen the map. She was all I needed.” he resumed walking, and she followed behind him, taking two steps for each of his one long strides.

His choice of words hit her in the gut. He couldn’t have possibly meant what could have been implied. But, nonetheless, panic had taken root in Mila’s heart. She swallowed hard.

“The information” she told herself, “He meant...she had all the information he needed. She is no different from the pilot. A vessel containing information to be extracted by whatever means necessary.” She continued to follow him, her eyes holding fast to the back of his head until they reach the interrogation room. Inside, the prisoner lay bound, her head lulled against her chest, eyes still closed. She knew what would come next. Kylo would wait beside her in silence until she regained consciousness. She pictured him, pacing, never taking his eyes off of her until she stirred. Him reaching for her, with his mind and hands...

“Your emotions betray you, Mila.” he said suddenly, making her start. He stopped and turned to her. “Be careful there. Do not loose the control you have fought so hard to gain.”  
Mila pursed her lips and clenched her jaw.

“I am in control of what I am feeling, Kylo, I assure you.” But it wasn’t the truth, but it was what she wanted to be true. What Kylo was saying to her was pushing her once again. She would not let herself become a weak child, manacled to the fruitless pursuit of anyone’s validation. She was more than that now...she was…  
Kylo had entered the room, walking deliberately towards where the girl was bound.

“Leave us.” he said to the Stormtroopers who had brought her in.

“Yes, Sir.” they chorus, and filed out.

She stood in the doorway, on the brink of entering. Kylo turned to her.

“I will do this alone.”

An iron fist clenched MIla’s heart but she made no protest. What argument could she possibly have? The last thing she saw before the door slid shut was Kylo, circling the girl in her containment. His curiosity of her radiating in waves that crashed over her body, leaving her to fight against the current that threatened to pull her under, threatening to displace your newfound constitution. Threatening to reduce her to who she was before Kylo Ren had stood in the doorway of Medical...watching her with the same curiosity.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter XV**

 

When the door closed in front of her, Mila turned and slammed a fist into her other open palm, letting out a small growl with the contact. She brought her hands to her face and pressed against her eyes. She hated this. She hated the weakness she was feeling. She felt her emotions unraveling inside her. She needed to regain control. Letting her hands drop to her sides, she begin down the corridor, headed to where she and Kylo had trained.  

As she walked, she could not help but notice the dramatic shift in the atmosphere of the corridors. Mila had grown accustomed to gentle nods and smiles in her direction, many people even thanking her for her assistance with this or that. But now...heads lowered, paces quickened and she had the sick feeling of whispers following her as she left people in her wake. There was no doubt her attack on General Hux had been relayed to anyone who would listen by the General himself. 

The journey to and from Takodana had taken hours. Mila wondered how far the final story had been twisted from the actual events. She had only choked him a little...a wicked smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Foolish man. He loved to strut about like the cock of the walk but she had seen his true colors from the start. He could give a good speech but there was nothing yet she had seen that marked him as the ruthless leader he made himself out to be. You think back to your earliest days on Starkiller and his frequent visits for his meager illnesses. All talk. It had all been talk. The only power he held was in title. It seemed though a common enemy was all it took people to feed into his facade and Mila seemed to fit the bill for now. Anger rose in her chest, mixing with the queer feelings left from when Kylo had closed the door on her.   
She soon reached the training room, the emotions building to a crescendo. Mila discarded her outerwear and tossed it to one side, along with her satchel filled with untouched medical supplies.  She stood prone, fists clenched, staring hard at the line of battle dummies across the room. Kylo’s words rang in her head…. her emotioned betrayed her.   
Damn him. 

How was it possible for the same man who had pulled you from her old husk, be the same man who could so easily become her undoing? With one action, he had sent her reeling. 

Damn it all! 

She reached her dominate hand out for a staff. They hung in their rack on the wall and remained motionless. Mila head turned; she flexed her arm straighter and willed one to her outstretched hand. The hot ball of anger that had settled in her chest expanded, creeping down to her fingertips. The feeling spread like a flame licking a branch, warming and heating the limb until she felt the burst of it extend and a staff flew into her waiting fingers. She banged one end on the ground, holding it for a moment like walking stick. She closed her eyes and called upon the force, feeling it spread down her entire body, making her feel static. With a sharp intake of breath she raised the staff above your head and twirled it, bringing it down around your body. She followed it, leading with her arms and spun, her legs dropping to a low stoop as she did. The staff continues its route, up to her chest where she grabbed it with the other hand and held it a moment horizontally in front of her. She brought one end forward until she was pointing it straight ahead, slowly rising to her feet. Then she sprang forward, her steps quick and measured, her staff swinging left and right like a pendulum. With a cry, she thrusted one end into the chest of a battle dummy; it flew back from the blow, crashing to the ground. She spun, swinging her staff into another, it too collapsed.   
Mila wondered if the girl had awakened yet, if Kylo has begun his questioning. The thought stung like a salted wound. She hissed as you tried to extinguish it before it attached itself like a leech to her current state of mind. She grunted with effort as she struck the ground with the tip of the staff, using it to launch herself forward like a pole vaulter, bringing her foot high enough to make contact with the chest of yet another dummy. She brought her body down hard, knocking the dummy to its back, landing with her knees stranding its chest and her staff slamming down on its throat. Had her adversary been living, the force of the blow would have snapped their neck.   
  


Mila glared down at the battle dummy, its head turned away from her. Her breathing slowly increased in speed as another long buried memory bubbled to the surface of her mind.    
  


-

_ “Take it back! Take it back!!” Mila was shrieking to be heard above the throng of yelling children. She was sitting on her chest, fists clutching the front of her school uniform. She pulled her up by the shirt and slammed her viciously back to the ground,  _

_ “TAKE IT BACK!!!” she screamed. Uladia’s taunts had become a normal part of Mila’s school day. She had learned to block them out most time, shutting out Uladia’s piercing voice by focusing on her feet as she walked. Mila walked slowly through the halls, each clay tile was the same length as her foot. She walked carefully so each step fell within the parameter of the tile. It took concentration. She focused extra hard today, hardly watching anything beyond her own toes. Another pair of feet suddenly appeared in her line of vision. She raised her head cautiously.  _

_ “What are you doing, freak?”  Uladia’s voice hit her ears like nails on a chalkboard.  _

_ “I..” Mila started, “Nothing. I’m going to the classroom.”  She looked down again at her feet. Her left foot was on the line between two tiles. She slid it back inside a square.  _

_ Uladia titterd. “You know what they say….’Step on a crack…” Her voice hardened, “I don’t know why you’re trying so hard, freak. You’ve already killed your mother, it’s it’s not like you can kill her more.”  _

_ There was a snap inside Mila. Today, of all days….her birthday….her mother’s deathday… _

_ The next thing Mila knew, she was being pulled to her feet.  _

_ “Freak!!” Uladia was screaming, there was blood dripping from her nose, as she pointed at Mila. She hurtled more insults but Mila did not heard them as she was dragged away to the headmistress’ office. _

_ She stood in front of her desk, head bent, fighting back the tears.  _

_ “Please.” she begged, “Please don’t tell him…” _

_ Headmistress sighed, “You know I have to, girl. And Uladia’s parents.” _

_ “Please!” Mila’s voice edged on hysteria. “He will be so angry with me.” The tears fell freely now.  _

_ Headmistress gazed at her, eyebrows knitted together in sympathy.  _

_ “I’m sorry.”  _

_ There was a finality in her voice that sounded like the voice of doom. _

_ \-- _

_ “GET IN HERE, YOU STUPID GIRL!” Father’s voice seemed to shake the very walls. Mila could not bring herself to open the door to his study. Her trembling fingers hovered over the doorknob. But there was no need. The door in front of her flew open so fast, it hit the wall with a crash that she felt in her very bones.  _

_ “I’m so sorry.” Mila said, her voice tight and high pitched. She held her hands in front of her chest, and leaned back slightly.  _

_ Arviet  Jundik reached forward and grabbed her wrist...hard. She yelped out in pain. “Stupid. Reckless. Ungrateful child. “ He spat in her face, “I spent a fortune on your education and THIS is how you repay me? Attacking senators daughters…”   _

_ “Papa she…” _

_ “Your poor mother.” he growled, he raised her arm above your head, pulling her up, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Oh that she could see what a useless stupid little chit she birthed. It would kill her!”  _

_ Mila squirmed her arm, “ _

_ Papa...please…” she gasped “You’re hurting me.”   _

_ His grip tightened and he yanked her arm hard, pulling her into his study dragging her over to the little alcove where he kept his vigil for her...an altar of grief. He forced Mila to your knees and grabbed her hair, yanking it back so her face was upturned to gaze upon the holo of her. She braced her hands on the edge of the table, gripping it so hard, the corner felt like it was cutting into her palms.  The 3D image of her mother stands, hands folded in front of her, a gentle smile on her face. Mila closed her eyes, feeling sick.  _

_ Arviet brought his face down to her ear, she could smell spirits on his breath. “You...will never atone for what you’ve done.  You fail her...you fail me.”  _

_ “I’m not her!” Mila sobbed, “I will never be her”  his grip on Mila’s hair tightened and she sobbed. “Why aren’t I enough, papa? Why aren’t I enough?”  _

-

Pain. Searing hot pain. It snapped her back. Mila blinked away tears and looked down. Her hands had gripped the staff so hard, the blisters on her hands had burst and there was blood smeared down its length. She released her firm grip, wincing as her sticky flesh peeled away from the smooth metal of the staff. She turned her palms up and looked down at them. Two identical wounds smiled up at her, both starting between her thumb and forefinger and jaggedly stretching back about halfway through her palm. 

She carefully got to your feet, not using her hands to push herself up. Gingerly, she crossed the room and pulled rolls of bandages from her satchel. She cleaned away the excess blood, disinfected the wounds and began to dress her hand, trying hard not to get the bandage covered in blood from the hand doing the wrapping. She was so immersed in her work that she scarcely heard the door open. 

Kylo entered  The sound of quick footsteps made her turn.  

“Kylo…” she breathed. Her voice was shaky. He crossed the room, a staggering sort of gait threw off his usual purposeful stride. Mila noticed the change immediately. She heard his breathing, fast and angry, coming out from behind his mask. He paced, like an animal, taking two or three steps to the side, before turning and going the opposite direction a few steps. His arms waved, gesturing angrily in slashes up and down. She watched him in silence, running a finger softly over one of the edges of a bandaged hand.

Kylo snarled and grunted as he raised one arm and brought it down hard across an empty weapons rack. It crashed to the floor, the loud sounds echoing off the walls. He let out an angry yell. Mila steeled herself and walked towards him. There were few in the galaxy that would have dared to approach him when he got caught up in one of his destructive moods, but she was not afraid. She knew he would not hurt her.

“Kylo!” she shouted and he dropped to his knees, shoulders shaking. She fell before him, eyebrows knitted in concern. Mila lifted her hands, hesitated a moment, and placed them on either side of his helmet, fingers poised over the latches to release it. His hands rose and covered hers. Mila winced at the slight pressure on the wounds on palms. Together, they raised the helmet off his head and she set it to the side, her hands coming back to rest in her lap.

“What happened?” Mila spoke in a steady measured tone. There was a wild sort of fear in his eyes that alarmed her. “Did you get the information from the girl?”

He could not bring himself to speak at first. But when he finally did...she could never have imagined the words that he was about to say.

“She is strong with the force.”

Mila’s heart seemed to stop beating. The meaning of the words dropped like a stone and spread like ripples across the surface of a still pool. She leaned back on her heels, jaw dropped slightly, lips parted.

“Leader Snoke…want me to bring her to him.”

A coldness seized her stomach, making her feel ill.                

“Leader Snoke…wants her?”

He nodded.

“He wants both of us?”

Kylo did not move or reply.

With a deep breath Mila rose. “He said nothing of me.” she answered for him. She turned her back on Kylo. She clenched her jaw, eyes gazing at the wall across from her. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. From deep within herself, Mila felt a deep growl come, ripping from her mouth, verging on a scream. Wall fixings, and racks of staffs ripped themselves from the walls. The thunderous sounds filled the room. 

“He underestimates me!” she yelled gutturally. “I’ll show him, Kylo! I will show him how powerful you have made me!” She raised her hands, clenching them into fists, and the fallen racks collapsed upon themselves. She spun back to face Kylo. He was looking up at her, eyes wide, mouth open. Mila clenched her lips together and swallowed hard. She fell to her knees and crawled to him, not caring that each time a hand hit the ground a sharp pain shot up her arm. Once back in front of him Kylo seized her shoulders and pulled him hard against him.

“You’ve created me.” she panted. “I will not fail you.”

He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, pulling her head close to his, deepening the kiss. His hand knotted themselves in her hair. Then he broke apart from her, his breathing franic.

“Our battle is just beginning.” His hands slid down, taking her by the shoulders and bringing her to her feet. “Her friends will surely not be far behind. Meanwhile….we will go to her again. I want you with me.” The words make your heart skip a beat. “You and I will show her what it means to be trained in the Dark Side. We will go to Leader Snoke…together.”

Mila nodded, a flicker of a smile crossing her lips. 

“I want you to say it…” she intoned softly. “I want you to say you want me with you.”

His grip on her shoulders tightened as he pulled her a little closer to him.

“I will not go without you.” his voice was soft and firm. “There is nothing that will keep you from me. You are mine and mine alone.”  

Mila broke out into a wicked grin. Bending slightly, she retrieve his helmet from beside her feet. Pressing it against his chest you said “As you wish….my master.”  


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter XVI**

 

Kylo carefully lifted his mask, and Mila watched with parted lips as his beautiful face slid out of view. He stood for a moment, his head turned down to look at her, the feeling of his gaze wrapped around her like a cloak. She had become comfortable within it. There was a comfort in it that was such a far cry from the feeling of nervousness that had once gripped her heart when Kylo turned his full attention onto her. She met his gaze with a warm stillness in her heart. 

“Kylo…” her voice came out in a whisper. He lips were still warm from the touch of his. He waited. Could she bring herself to tell him the words she longed to say? He had to know already. She smiled softly. “No…it can wait. There are bigger things at hand.”

His head tilted to the side, in curiosity. Mila let out a small laugh. It was a quirk of his she adored.   

“I can still take it from you.” his voice was light, teasing. 

“Not this.” she shook her head, a smile still pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Not one word. Don’t you dare.”

“Very well, Mila. For now, I’ll respect your wishes. However..” Kylo straighten up, the teasing air in his voice slowly waning, and his deep commanding voice took over. “You will need to learn how to block others out. You may be able to fight, but an unguarded mind leaves you vulnerable.”

She nodded. “I understand.”

“I can teach you. Later. For now, we have another matter to see to. Come.” He swept past her, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her along. 

Mila yelped in pain and jerked her hand from his. He turned back to look at her. 

“I’m sorry.” she gasped, holding the sore hand to her chest, cradling it with the other. 

“Let me see.” he reached out to her. 

“It’s nothing Kylo. I was practicing and…”  Kylo took both hands in his gently, turning them to look at the palms. A bit of blood had seeped through, tinting the brilliant white of the bandage a soft shade of pink.  Mila shook her head. “I was foolish. I lost control of myself.” 

Kylo brought the hand up to his face, and softly pressed them against the mask where his lips would be. 

“Complete control will come in time. It is an ability….even I have not yet mastered.”

Mila closed her eyes. She remembered that fateful night in his private quarters. She knew of his rally against the call of the other side of The Force, the pain it caused him. 

“The shadows of our past lives are treacherous waters to wade through. Together, we must learn how to separate ourselves from them.  Although they created us, they cannot control us. You were forged by the pain of it, Doctor. Use it. Take what he did to you….and use it.”

Mila’s lips tightened, she gazed down at her bandaged hands and she felt her face crumple slightly. She felt ashamed. So ashamed that he still had a sick level of control over her emotions. How he could still upset her from a decade and a million light years away. For all Mila knew...he was dead. Was he just now no more than another ghost for her to toil under?     

“What happened then does not define the course of your destiny. You are more powerful than that.”

Mila steeled her resolve, and raised her eyes to meet his. 

“I am. You have shown me that so many time over. I will not let him control me anymore, Kylo. My power will come from myself. ” 

He nodded his head. 

“Good. Together we shall rid ourselves of the last vestiges of that which make us weak.” 

She swallowed hard, and nodded back. 

“Together.” she repeated. 

Kylo released her hands and she followed him from the room. 

\--

Walking at his side, Mila made her way to the room that the prisoner was taken to. 

“What information are we seeking?”

“Whatever we can pull from her.” Kylo responded. “The location of the Resistance base...any plans she may have been witness to. She may be one with the Force but she is not trained. I was...caught off guard when she lashed out at me with her mind. It was unexpected. But now...I know I can wear her down. I want you to try as well. With two of us there, she will acquiesce quickly.”

Mila gave a firm nod and exhaled slowly. Entering someone’s mind was something she had only attempted once, but Kylo had quickly shut her down.  

“Yes, Master.” 

She heard Kylo give a little hum of approval at her words. Taking her as his apprentice had given him something close to delight. It had made him feel...powerful. She felt it. She had felt the swell of his confidence and pride in you when she flaunted her new found abilities to General Hux. Mila’s mouthed curled in disgust. How was it possible he was still in such a position of power?. All he did was point and bark orders until his face was as red as his hair.  He was nothing in comparison to the power of the Sith.   

Rounding the corner, the pace of their steps slowed. The door of the interrogation room was open. Mila looked to Kylo. He had paused a moment, taking in the sight. Anger began to fill the space between the two of them. Mila stepped up to the room and saw the chair where the prisoner had been bond. It was empty. 

“Impossible.” Kylo snarled. He paced into the room, his lightsaber drawn in a motion so fast Mila did not see it until it was activated, hitting the chair, the walls, the floor in furious slashes. Sparks flew, and she remained in your spot as sparks showered around her. 

“Damn it.” she hissed and flew from the room. She turned in time to see two Stormtroopers retreating around the corner, away from the furious activity. She looked at Kylo, still lost in his fit of anger and looked back to the men. 

“Stop!” she yelled, running up to them. They paused and slowly turned. 

“Ma’am?” one of them asked cautiously. 

“The prisoner we took from Takodonna. She has escaped. Raise the alarm.” said Mila.  

They shifted, casting a glance at one another, unsure. 

“Thats. An. Order.” she snarled. She raised a hand, and called upon the Force to shove them both back a few steps. “Go. Unless you want a repeat of what happened the last time one of your men let a prisoner escape from under us.”

Kylo was behind you, his breathing ragged and fast. 

“ I want the ID of the guard on duty.” he growled. 

“Yes, sir...Yes ma’am.” The men turned and ran.

She turned to Kylo. 

“Kylo...if she has a way to contact her Resistance friends...they won’t be far behind.”

“Her friends…” he spoke slowly, as if he was remembering something. 

She waited. 

“We need to prepare. If they send another fleet like on Takodonna, we need to be prepared for another fight. If we prepare now, we can have the upper hand and take away their element of surprise.”

“You are correct, Mila. Go to the main control room. Oversee the preparations there.”

“And you?”

“I’m going to find our little lost lamb.” 

She clenched her jaw and nodded, she started to turn to make her way to the control room, but Kylo caught her shoulder. 

“We shall rid ourselves of the last vestiges of that which make us weak...that day...may be upon me. When the battle is over, doctor. And I am free of it. Come find me.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter XVII**

 

Mila watched as Kylo walked away, eyes lingering on the corner he had rounded long after he had vanished around it.  His words had left her feeling somewhat uneasy. What exactly had he meant “rid ourselves?” All at once, she felt as if she was on the precipice of an enormous change. She had this feeling once before….after the first time Kylo had made love to her.

It had been in that moment she knew there was no going back to who she was before. Her course had been set. She had given yourself, body and soul, to Kylo Ren...and to the Dark Side, and she had done so freely and willingly. She had trusted him to lead her this far, she needed to trust him now. Whatever he was planning, whatever he was thinking, she needed to keep her faith in her master strong, for surely he needed it. Mila turned to make her way to the main control room but there was a moment of hesitation that kept her feet from moving. She felt the urge to rush after him, to be by his side as he endured whatever trial he must face. But she knew in her heart, he must face it alone. Only then would he become strong enough to continue guiding her on her path to greatness. Still. She feared for him. She feared for him in the moment where he would be alone...when there was no one beside him to pull from back from the vicious darkness that threatened to destroy him completely and keep him from ever returning to her.

The earsplitting sound of an alarm made Mila jump. It snapped her thoughts back to the present and her mission. She turned and broke into a run towards the control room.

Upon entering the room, Mila already saw a flurry of activities. There was a general buzz of voices overlapping, the reason for the alarm still not clear to all. Stations were slowly being filled with people who had responded to the alarm’s cry.

Near the front of the room, nearest to the viewport paced General Hux. His lips were pursed and his nostrils flared in his usual expression of perpetual disgust. Mila walked directly up to him and stood for a moment, waiting for him to turn. When he did, an expression of fear flickered across his face as quick as lightning before he spoke.

“What the hell do you want?” he snapped, the tone of annoyance, betrayed by the tightness of his pitch.

Mila wrinkled her nose at him, “Such language, Hux. Really, there’s no need. I am merely here to assist you.”

“What makes you think I need your help? What possible assistance could you-”

“That depends on what information you feel is crucial and what you think you can do without.”

“If you have something useful to say, Doctor, say it. I’m in no mood for games.”

“Very well, Hux. But only since you asked so nicely. The girl...the prisoner from Takodona, she has escaped-”

“I am WELL aware of that, Doctor or did you miss the klaxon blaring throughout the base?”

“If I may continue?”

Hux continued to glare at her.

“We have reason to believe-”

“‘We?’ I suppose you think that your association with Kylo Ren gives you the right to speak freely and throw around orders like a ranking officer, but may I remind you, Doctor,” he spat the last word out of his mouth like a bad taste, “That I am STILL the commander of this base and as such it is within MY power to-”

He stopped suddenly, his mouth widening, taking in a gasping breath.

“I have truly have heard enough of ‘your power’, General.” Mila’s hand floated up to the level of her eyes, fingers flexed delicately, as if they were grasping a soap bubble. She asserted enough pressure on Hux’s throat to leave him unable to speak, but still barely able to draw breath.

“It seems to me the only power you possess is that of being able to piss off anyone who has the displeasure of a conversation with you. And as for your title of Commander…”

Mila fixed her gaze on the center of Hux’s forehead, imagining her gaze to be a diamond bit boring into his skull. He winced, and his head jerked to the side as if trying to pull it from her path. But she persisted, feeling herself break though, like an eggshell cracking, and his thoughts come like flashes, manifesting in her mind as if they were her own memories.  

A glorious house. A sprawling garden. A dark haired woman in a green dress. Conversations from within his own memories played in her head like a comlink recording. She was enjoying this. She let out a breathy laugh.

“Not much respect at home either, I see. It figures. I never assumed you would have secured this position without a little help.”

The color in his face rose, a gloved hand closed around his throat. He took a step forward, anger flashed in his eyes.

“Stop” his voice, straining against the pressure she asserted.

Mila released him, pushing him away from her as she did, he stumbled back, coughing as air filled his lungs.

“The girl is strong with the force.” she said shortly. “We  have reason to believe that she is of importance to the Resistance and therefore a rescue mission will be underway. We should prepare the fighters and begin initial scanning of the surrounding quadrants. Whatever direction the fleet comes from may give us a clue as to the location of the Resistance base.”   

She was vaguely aware of the eyes on her now. Men and women watched with uncertainty on their faces, eyes traveling from her to Hux and back again. They had witnessed everything. Hux straightened himself and turned to them.

“Well?! What are you looking at??” his voice boomed out, “Activate the scanners! Assemble the troops! Ready the weapons!” He barked out his orders, gesturing furiously. There was a flurry of activity as men and women scurried to obey.

To Mila Hux hissed, “Never. Do. That. Again. In front of my crew. You may be Ren’s little attack dog but even dogs will know their place.”

Fury bubbled inside of her. Mila raised her hand and before she knew what she was doing, her fist came into contact with Hux’s face. There was a small crack and he yelped in pain. He fells to his knees, his hand flying up to catch the gush of blood flowing from his now broken nose.

She pointed a finger down to him, “The next time you insult me Hux. It will be the last time you ever speak!”

“I should say the same to you!” he spat, teeth bared, spraying red droplets of blood onto the floor. Mila wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“How fitting to be making threats as real as your ‘power’. Clean yourself up, Hux. What a state for a General to be seen in!”  

Hux quaked with fury.

“If you’ll excuse me, now. I should make sure the new Medical Officers are prepared for the impending battle.”

Hux sputtered, more blood sprayed out. “As if I would allow you to keep your title!”

Mila paused, feeling her lips curl in anger. “What are you muttering about?”

Hux slowly brought himself to her feet. He raised his hand and wiped away blood, leaving it to smear across his cheek.

“I hereby strip your rank. From this moment on, the First Order no longer recognizes you as Chief Medical Officer.”     

Mila stood still a moment, the meaning of his words cascading down on her.  All her years of hard work, studying, training, the wounds she had suffered, the blood she had shed….all for the glory of The First Order...snuffed out in an instant. She waited for the devastation to come. It did not.

Instead, Mila laughed.

The laughter came spilling out of her lips, Hux’s brow furrowed in utter shock and confusion.

That was it.

The very last tie that had tethered her to her father had been severed.

By her own actions she had brought around her freedom. She laughed again, louder this time. The gale grew higher in pitch until it reached a maniacal tone.

"Oh, General." Mila when her laughter died down. Hux recoiled in fear. "It had been a pleasure." Mila turned on her heel and walked off the bridge.

No longer would her conduct be checked by a sense of duty and loyalty to the First Order. She belonged to the Dark Side. She belonged to herself.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter XVIII**

 

Once again Mila found herself drawn to the window where Kylo Ren had touched her for the very first time. She gazed out upon the landscape with new eyes. It seemed a lifetime ago when they had stood there, heart pounding out of her chest, as Kylo had taken her hand in his. So much had changed.  But was the it galaxy that had shifted? Or had the change merely been in herself? It was a quandary she could ponder until time itself came to an end. There was one thing she knew for certain. Without Kylo Ren, she would not be who she was. He had awoken her, pulled her from the ashes of who she once was, and breathed life into the flames that now fueled her. She felt to be of one heart with him. Even now, though apart, she could feel him. Her heart seemed to echo his, a steady strong beat that sounded like a war drum. She was enmeshed with him now. More than just teaching her in the ways of the force, she had allowed him into her heart, where he took root. There was nothing in the cosmos that would cause her to turn from him now. Of that Mila was certain. As he had said-she belonged to him. Her place was at his side.

Mila raised her eyes to the sky. There was a queer sort of swirling to the clouds. The weapon...it was powering up. Hux would once again prove how the base came to be known as Starkiller. She watched as light faded, the very sun of the planet being sacrificed so it’s power could be harvested for the next extinguishing of planets. 

She stood for a moment longer in reflective silence, her mind with Kylo, and pondered if he and the Stormtroopers had been successful in their hunt for the scavenger. Surely, she would not be that difficult to locate with the entire base on alert for her, and she would stick out like a sore thumb with her unusual dress.

Mila had fulfilled the duty Kylo had charged her with and she could no longer keep herself away from him. She turned away from the window and began to walk. When she entered the lift, she felt it. There was a quake that seemed to rattle the floor beneath her and she looked around as if you could spot the source from inside of the lift. She shifted her satchel she had retrieved from the training room so that it sat further back on her hip, and waited impatiently for the doors to open

They opened onto chaos. Men and woman rushed back and forth, seeking their stations, seeking orders. Mila tried to make sense of it all. But it did not take long to figure out what was happening. The base was under attack. Clearly, the girl had more worth than what they thought for the rescue party had arrived more quickly than Mila could have ever anticipated. She paused a moment, carefully planning her next move. She began a careful tread down the corridors that would lead her to Medical. The doors open with their familiar slide and she stepped in. The sight she saw made her scoff. 

Already, one of the assistants that had been sent to her when FN-2187 had left devastation behind him had been instated as the new Chief Medical Officer. An impish looking girl of about her age, looked upon Mila with uncertainty. She recalled her from the past days. She had been skittish, almost simple, really. Pulled from the kitchens, she had been wonderful at following orders, but lacked...most everything.  Such a small girl, she seemed out of place among the leviathan that was Starkiller Base, she looked small even in the tiny confinements of Medical.  Mila found herself wondering if the girl had taken the position willingly.  

“Oh…” she stammered, her fingers knotting themselves together. “It’s you.” Mila looked at her, waiting.

“It is.” she responded.

“General Hux said you would come by...he-he said that if you did I was to tell you that you no longer have clearance to be in here unless…” she hesitated.    
“Unless?” Mila prompted.

“Unless it’s on a slab.” The girl buried her face in her hands. “Miss. I’m sorry. It’s his orders. I can’t...I don’t.” 

“It’s fine. I seem to have made a quite an impression on him.”

“You broke his nose! He made me set it. After I cleaned him up and handed me your pin and told me to tell you…”

“That I wasn’t allowed in here. Yes, we covered that part already.” Mila licked her lips and sighed.    
“Is there...out there. I hear everyone yelling. Is the base under attack?” 

Mila nodded. “We are under attack. Kylo Ren captured someone of interest to the Resistance and now they have come to retrieve her.”

She rocked on her heels. “I don’t know what I am supposed to do!” her voice edged on hysterical. “I told General Hux that I wasn’t qualified for this position...all those people…” her voice trailed off. “How am I supposed to know what to do?” 

“Hang, General Hux!” Mila said. “Since he’s exiled me from the First Order, he has no right to order me about anymore. I will be here for you as long as I can. The battle is only beginning. Once the first wave is over, we can asses the damages and act as we need to. Go to the supply closet and begin packing things for the mobile units. If they manage to shatter the viewport like...like before…” Mila found yourself stumbling over her words as she remembered the death toll from before, and how FN-2187 still lived. But she could not waste a moment on the traitor right now. “If it happens again we will need to prepare to tend to the wounded where they fall.” 

The girl looked more calm, relieved to be given solid orders instead of drowning her own panic   “Yes, Miss.” and she turned and vanished into the supply closet. 

MIla exhaled softly and turned away. Of course she would help her...this little incident would be over soon. The weapon was powering up. Once it met with its target, the small fleet of Resistance fighters would either flee into hiding or be taken captive. For soon there would be no Resistance. Once she was reunited with Kylo... All at once, from the bottom of her belly, a steel hand gripped at her. A terrible, terrible dread filled her. 

Oh, Gods. It was as if she had been punched in her stomach and she bent over in pain, struggling to breath. Mila clutched at her chest. The pain..the pain was unbearable. She felt a cry explode from her lips. 

The girls face reappeared around the corner. It paled and she bolted over to her. “Miss!!” Her arms caught Mila as her legs went out from under her, guiding her to the floor.“Miss! What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” 

Mila’s lungs refused to draw air. “Kylo…” she whispered. “Kylo..what did you do?” 

“Are you hurt?” the girl asked again.

Mila shook her head “I need to get to him. I need to get to Kylo.”

“Kylo Ren…” her voice came out in a shaky whisper. And Mila nodded.    
“So it’s true then….you have become his apprentice.” She drew herself back.  

Mila nodded and struggled to her feet. “I must get to him. He...needs me.”

Then. There was pain. So much worse than before.  She felt it explode against her side, and her hand flew up to clutch at the invisible flames that were licking at her ribs. Mila fell to the floor 

“Please!” the girl implored “You’re not well! Nothing good can come of this, please!” 

Mila pushed her hands away. “He needs me.”

“He’s dangerous!”

“No. He’s hurt. I can’t leave him! I can’t!”

The girl’s forehead is furrowed. 

“How do you know he is hurt?”

“Because I can feel it! I can sense it as if it was happening to my own body! His pain is my pain!” 

There was a poignant pause. 

“You love him.” 

It was a declaration. Not a question. 

“I do.” Mila said her voice low, breath slowly returning. “I love him.” It was a relief to speak the words out loud and not letting them press on the walls of her heart like a prisoner begging for freedom.  “I love Kylo Ren. I love him more than I ever imagined myself capable of. And he needs me now more than ever...and I must go to him.” 

On unsteady legs, Mila rose. 

“You must have more trust in yourself.” She told the girl.  “Trust in what you’ve learned. I will return if I can to help you.” 

She nodded. “I hope you do.”

Mila opened the doors to medical and stepped out into the corridor. Where was Kylo now?


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter XIX**

 

People were fleeing. Mila pushed her way against the waves of people. It was utter chaos. Her senses were overwhelmed and she struggled to remain composed through the licks of pain that were slowing ebbing away. Her body was rocked back and forth as people forced themselves against her to get by. The alarm was sounding so loudly it hurts her ears. She looked desperately from side to side, as if Kylo would appear suddenly to pluck her from the madness.

“What is happening??” Mila demanded of a passing man. He rushed past without so much as a glance at her.

“Tell me!” she screamed above the dim. She seized his arm and pulled him back to face her. “What is happening?

“Starkiller is lost! They have reached the innermost depths of the weapon, there were explosions set off within one of the inner facilities.”

She released her grip on him and fell back in horror.

“How? How could it possibly…”

“The shields were lowered. We don’t know how...but they were lowered deliberately. Now release me! We don’t know how much time we have!” The man turned and resumed his retreat with the rest of the crowd.

She shook her head “No.” she whispered. “No. It’s not possible”. This was the greatest weapon ever created. How was it possibly on the verge of destruction? Mila raised her hands to her head. Panic was rising in her chest. Like acid, it crawled up her stomach and burned at her throat.

“Stay calm.” she urged herself. “Stay calm and think. What would Kylo want you to do?” She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly, allowing the breath to expand her chest. She pictured his face, dark eyes gazing at her from underneath his heavy brow. He looked at her as he had looked at her many times before in your times with him. The same look he gave her when she was first learning how to call upon the Force. He is waiting, patient, urging her to take the next step on her own.

“What should I do?” she whispered to the visage in her mind. “

_Doctor. Mila….Mila….Come to me. Please. Come to me. Find Hux._

Kylo’s voiced in her ear. Her eyes flew open.

“Kylo….” she whispered his name. Wherever he was...he was calling to her.  She pressed her hand to her heart, and felt the hammering rhythm of it. Find Hux? She felt an odd rush of emotions. If she never saw Hux again, it would be too soon.

She clenched her jaw. But she knew she had no time. If Kylo wanted...no needed her to find Hux, then that was her directive.

Mila threw herself against the crowd again, flexing her elbows to give her the upper hand. She pressed through until she came to a break in the crowd. Hux’ s ship would be in the officer’s hanger. She had recalled seeing it earlier when she’d returned from Takodonna with Kylo.  It was on this level. She was close.

She broke into a run. What would happen if she missed him? She pushed the thought from her mind and concentrated on her feet hitting the ground, pushing her closer and closer to her goal.

When she rounded a corner the door leading to the hanger was in sight. From not far within, she saw a small troop of Stormtroopers marching in formation...lead by Hux.

Thank Gods.

“Hux!” Mila yelled. The man did not pause. Mila pushed herself harder, running as fast as she was able to move her feet. She caught up to the group, passing by the Stormtroopers until she was upon Hux, gripping his arm, causing him to pause in his steps.

“Kylo…” she gasped, her lungs screaming for air, the pain in side making breath impossible to catch. “Where is he?”

Hux ripped his arm from her grasp.

“Away!” he seethed at her. “How DARE you?”

“He’s not in the base. He’s somewhere on the outside.” she grabbed at Hux’s arm again.

He turned to her slowly. “How do you know that?” he snapped, he pulled his arm from her fingers, but does not move away.

Mila gave her head a small shake, “I just know. If he was inside, I would have felt it. Instead, I heard him call to me.”

Hux looked down at her, the curl of his lips loosens. “He...called to you? Do you mean to tell me you would be able to locate him?”

Mila felt her lips part, she looked away from his eyes, “I...I don’t know.”

Hux scoffed and turned away from her, but Mila grabbed him again. “I am your best bet, Hux.”

He stared at her his eyes hard. “Do not waste my time.”

“I can find him.” Mila said harshly. “Bring me on board. I will lead you right to him.” Mila was only half sure of her words.

But it was her only hope.

“The planet will be obliterated in moments.”

Hux’s entire face seemed to curl in disgust. He lunged forward and seized Mila by the hair gathered at the nape of her neck. Mila didn’t even have time to react.  He pulled back so her head was locked upright. He pressed his cheek to hers and hissed into her ear,  “The only reason I will allow you near my ship, is because Supreme Leader has ordered me to bring him Kylo Ren.”

Mila’s jaw was clenched, and she fought the urge to hurt him. His face pressed against hers revolted her.  He stood for a moment, his hand an iron trap locking her in place. Mila felt her eyes begin to water from the pain of it. But she refused to change her expression, she would not let him see her agony.  She could feel his breath on her neck, and his eyes bore into her. She felt him inhale deeply the smell of her hair and she could bear it no more. She tried to turn away but his grip tightened.

“Let go of me.” Mila said in a low voice.

“My ship. My laws. You come on board as my prisoner or you can die on this god forsaken rock.”

Mila snarled, “I could kill you now, Hux. You know what I am capable of. I don’t need you. I just need your ship. But you need me. Is losing Kylo Ren a loss you are willing to take and face the wrath of Leader Snoke? How exactly would he reward your when he learns you lost not only one but three Force users?”

She felt the grip tighten in her hair and then turned her body towards the ship and shoved her forward. Mila stumbled a few steps before regaining her footing. Her breath was fast. Her skin crawled with disgust. But you walked forward, up the ramp, Hux and the Stormtroopers on her heels.

Once onboard, and the ship had left the hanger, Hux turned to Mila. “Well?”  

She shot him a short hateful look, but then she closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. Reaching for Kylo with her mind. He was calling out for her. Wherever he was.

Images flickered across her brain like a candle’s flame.

_Red._

_Dark red splattered on the the snow._

_He was hurt. Badly._

Mila gasped softly, and pressed herself harder almost afraid of what she would see next.  

_There was a great chasm._

_He lies near where the planet’s surface has torn itself apart._

Mila’s eyes fly open. She raised a shaky hand and point to the east. 

“There is a rip in the planet’s surface. He’s near there.”

“Is he alive?”

Mila bit her lip, “He has to be. I would feel it if he was…” she could not bring herself to finish the sentence.  She felt the ship sway as it turned. Hux stood at attention, watching her carefully. Mila knew he would not let his guard down near her. With good reason. She meet his gaze.

“Just bring me to him.”

Hux was the one to break eye contact. She turned her back to him and walked to the back of the deck, poising herself near the door, preparing to disembark as soon as it opened.

“We see him.” the voice of a Stormtrooper sounded from behind her, “Lowering the ship now.”

Her stomach dropped as the ship lurched towards the ground. The door hissed as it began its slow descent. She pressed her body forward, poking her head near the small opening on the side of the ramp.

It was dark, all she could see was darkness and swirling snow.  As soon as there was an opening big enough, she launched herself through, dropping the five feet or so to the plant’s surface. She landed on her feet and pitched forward, the wounds on her hands stung as they caught the full weight of her body. She was up in an instant, running out of the ship’s path.

The snow was being tossed about violently from whirl of the ship’s engines and she raised a hand to protect her face. Ice crystals bit at her cheeks.

“Kylo!” She screamed over the roar, “Kylo!”

At first she did not see him...and then she did. All at once she wished she hadn’t for the image would be burned into her brain forever.

Mila gasped, her hands flying up, covering her mouth, capturing the scream that threatened to explode from her mouth.

He laid about a hundred yards from her, curled around himself like a babe curled in the womb. And there was blood. So much blood soaked into the snow. It blossomed from his body and enveloped him like angels wings. He did not move.

Mila whispered his name. She willed her feet to move. There was a deep dread inside her, churning her stomach. Slowly, her hands fell from her mouth. She took a step forward. And then another.  Her pace quickened before she broke into a full run. Mila drew in a breath to scream his name once more. But the word never made it out of her mouth.

Pain exploded inside her, filling her every sense, causing Kylo to fade from view. Her back burned. She stumbled, arms wrapping themselves around her belly, doubling over in agony.  She raised her trembling hands, they were coated in blood.

Slowly, she turned.

Standing at the base of the ramp, was General Hux. His own blaster raised and pointed at her.

Mila let out a small noise of pain...of shock. Hux’s face was expressionless

“He asked for only Ren.”

He poised the weapon again. There was no time to react.

The blast hit her squarely in the chest. And she fell backwards, the snow cushioning her fall.

“No.” says a hoarse voice. “NO!”

Mila writhed in pain. Craning her head she turned and saw Kylo, dragging himself the last few feet towards her.  He reached for her, pulling himself closely to her.

Mila’s mouth was open. She desperately tried to speak. Her tears flowed down her face in hot streaks, cutting through the cold. Kylo’s face was badly cut. The severity of the wound made Mila whimper. He must be in so much pain. If she could just reach her...satchel.  She raised a shaky hand and reached for him.  He pulled himself beside her, positioning his body over her, arms on either side of her head. Shielding her. Protecting her.  

“You must not die.” Kylo’s voice came out wavering. “You cannot. You cannot leave me. I kill him. I will kill him for doing this.”

Each breath was like a knife piercing her lungs.

Mila looked at him, his body torn and bloody. Her Kylo.   

“I wanted to tell you something…” each word was a labor to speak. She could feel the blood flowing from her body as quickly as the tears that were coming from her eyes.

Kylo eyes were desperate, “Anything. Anything.”

Mila closed her eyes. Kylo’s hands shook her.

“Stay with me.” he urged.

“I love you.” her voice came out a whisper. “I love you, Kylo….and I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

Kylo pressed his lips to hers. She tasted blood. She did not know if it was her own or if it was his.

“I-”

But his answer never came. Mila felt his body pull away, leaving her exposed to the harsh wind.

“NO!” Kylo screamed. She opened her eyes.

Two Stormtroopers were lifting him.

“NOOO!!!” Kylo’s screams were animalistic. Wildly and desperately he reached for her. Mila raised her arm and he gripped it hard. With all the strength she had left she squeezed back.

But it was no use. He was pulled away from her.  He let out a cry like a man possessed. It rang in her ears. And she cried.

“HUX!! YOU MURDER!! I’LL KILL YOU!!!”

She watched as Kylo was carried away him, all the while craning his head backwards to look at her. He reached for her with splayed fingers. Mila pushed against the ground with one arm, turning herself over.

She watched until she could no longer see him. Cold and unfeeling, the ship faded from view and Mila fell to her back.  

Her Kylo was safe. He would live. He would live. She let her mind wander back, reliving every moment she had with him. Turning them over like precious stones in her mind. She would not let the last feeling she felt be anger or spite. She thought of her love. She pictured him clearly.

Mila closed her eyes, and the darkness enveloped her.  


	20. Epilouge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It was amazing to revisit this story. I can't wait to get to work again.

_In the end, there is no fanfare. No fuss. No long dead relatives waiting to greet you and welcome you home._

_There was only Mila._

_She could no longer feel any pain.  She no longer felt anything. She felt detached, as if she was floating inches above her body. White light filled the space behind her closed eyes. But that was often spoken of. People who had reached the brink of death only to be yanked back often spoken of a warm white light and how they were drawn into it._

_This was no different._

_Except…..she was cold. So cold. But. Wasn’t cold a feeling?_

 

Mila opened her eyes. White lights they were. But it was no ethereal being.

  
It was a ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This had been my first fic in a very VERY long time. It was a joy to revisit it. Feedback always appreciated!


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